please rate 1-5 *5 being best* And also, if you wouldn't mind putting in some helpful advise that would be welcomed
COLD BLOODED KILLER
As the bullet shot out of the barrel, a body covered in blood hit the ground with a dull thud!. People started to gather around, I bolted through the crowd “DAD!” my voice broke as I yelled and pushed strangers out of my way “Dad!” I was 10 years old when my father was shot and killed!. Hello, my name is Jack Collar, I am a senior in high school!. I’m not what you call average, unless you think having a 3rd degree black belt and a gun license is average!.
I live in an apartment in Michigan, Detroit!. I have been hunting down a man named Bobby Deep for 8 years!. This is the man who killed my best friend, my father!. Now I’m going to find him, and return the favor!.
I’ve been tracking his every step since he killed my father and it is clear… he’s a cold blooded killer!. We lived in New York City when my fathers was shot, after that he made his way across the U!.S, all the way to California, so that’s where I’m heading!.
It took three days by plane to get there; weather delayed the flight plan, causing a layover, finally the plane landed in L!.A!. “I know he’s in Southern California”, I said to myself!. Now I have to keep my eyes peeled!. “he has to be here somewhere” I spoke again “let’s see, he has short brown hair, brown eyes, he looks like he needs to shave, has a crooked nose as if it was broken, a scar near his left eye, and about 6’7”
I stayed in a cheap motel for three weeks!. I was about to give up, thinking he had moved already, but then I heard it… a gun shot! I jumped out of bed, put a shirt on and grabbed my !.44, ran out the door, slamming it so hard it almost shattered the windows!.
I ran in the direction of the sound of that shot!. Then I saw the river of blood!. “Another innocent person, dead” I whispered to myself!. I stepped back and saw some footprint!. “Found you” I said!.
I followed the prints until I could hear him running for dear life, then I could see him!. His short brown hair wasn’t as short as it used to be, and he was still huge!. He knew I was chasing him!. He kept dodging in and out of alley ways “mistake, not that one!.” I thought to myself “and now you are trapped, that one is a dead end!.” I snickered
“Please don’t kill me I have a wife and 2 kids” he pleaded!.
“Yeah, well did you give mercy to my father!?”
“I’m sorry man, please don’t kill me”
“…I’m sorry, I’M SORRY, Is that the best you can do, you killed my father, my best friend!” I yelled!.
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