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Question: Is my story good hthdhsrshtss!? !?
you are standing there waiting for the boss to go to his lunch break the door opens out comes a tall hard faced man you look into his face it fills you with a sense of guilt as he smiles at you ad walks to the kitchen!. you wait until he turns the corner you walk into his lab !. on the table you see a phial, everything thing that is "near" the phial is at least three feet away from the phial!. you stare at the tiny tube of glass examining every centimeter of it!. you stand there just staring, suddenly a burglar alrm goes offas some one runs into the lab!.!.!. to be continued!.!.!.!.!.
does it soun good!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi, roman centurian--Yes, you've definitely intrigued me with this as a reader!. Especially the detail about the hard-faced man provoking a sense of GUILT in the character!. (Makes me curious about what this character has done!.) Would you continue to write this story in the second person!? ("YOU are standing!.!.!.,' "!.!.!.his face fill YOU with a sense of guilt!.!.!.") Daring choice!. I like it!.
P!.S!. If you like this idea you've hit upon, that's all that matters!. Go with it! And don't worry about what the rest of us say!. Best of luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com
nteresting idea, but could use more intro like john Johnson was just an average guy kinds thing, or he could like work for the FBI and like be ion that super secret lab then like run away to Russia wit the FBI on his trail!. If ur planning on publishing you may wanna twist some romance in, as it will target a wider audience!. Other than that it could be an interesting storyWww@QuestionHome@Com
Um !.!.!.!. are you just giving us an overview of the plotline or is that actually it!? because, you know, you really can't write like that at all!. it's completely incomprehensible, and doesn't bode well for your success as a writer!.
It sounds a bit cliched and not very invovling, but everything has potential, if you look hard enough !.!.!.!. you're gonna have to look real hard here though!. sorry, just an honest opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hmph!. It's not a good sign when the reader is more absorbed in lunch than in the text and couldn't give two flying figs who or what set the alarm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Is this a choose your own adventure!?
because that the only genre that uses 'you' outside of conversations!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sorry, but I had a hard time following it!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's confusing!. I didn't enjoy it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ever hear of punctuation!? (don't you hate a smart ***!?)
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"You are standing there waiting for the boss to go on his lunch break!.
Suddenly the door opens, and out comes a tall, hard-faced man!. You look into his face and his smile fills you with a sense of dread!. He is headed to the kitchen, but you wait until he turns the corner before you go into his lab!.
On the table you see a phial, but the only things that are near it are at least three feet away!. You stare at the tiny tube of glass, examining every centimeter of it - standing there, just staring!. Suddenly the burglar alarm goes off - and only then do you realize someone is running into the lab!."
Others can build from here!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com