What do you guys think about this story I made!? PLEASE READ!!?
okay i know i asked this question before, but i really want to get more opinions on it!. this is a fanfiction on the PS1 game Legend of Dragoon!. i tried to explain things in great detail, especially for those who have never played the game and still want to read it!. this is the url
http://www!.fanfiction!.net/s/4403003/1/An!.!.!.at the end or the chapter at the bottom left, you can post a review on the site: SUBMIT REVIEW
you can also read the next chapter (look a the bottom right and just click the >> button!. it's also on the top as well)
tell me what you think! i want to know if there is anything that i have to improve on!.
all comments and questions are greatly appreciated!. thank you
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You didn't explain why the price kept on going down, and you kept on changing from he and she to peoples names hard to keep track who is who!.The part where he is looking for his mom and dad it's hard to distinguish what he is saying from what he is thinking!.Its also hard to distinguish in the second chapter who the adults are, are they the boys actual parents or the ones who found him in the barn!.How can the boy be calling the guy dad if he fell asleep in a strangers barn!?How did he even get home!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think you should base your stories from your own original idea, not from video game!. Stories come smoother to a person who invented their environment!.Www@QuestionHome@Com