Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> How is the first paragraph of my story?


Question: How is the first paragraph of my story!?
The autumn trees are beautiful, aren’t they!? All sorts of red, orange and gold are mixed into a leafy blend!. They’re so brittle, crunchy and crisp if you touch one!. So much texture fitted into such a tiny package!. Nature is amazing once you think about it!. The sky is the sky, big deal, until you think about it!. When you think, then look again, you see a bright blue canvas of an artist that sometimes is splattered with splotches of white, sometimes orange, pink and purple, too!. And all you see is a pond, once again, until you think about it!. Then you see a glittery, and dazzling form of water that is a home to many living creatures!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Its great for a fifth greater!. I love the description and how you've tried to capture the beauty of most thing people usually take as a given!.
this sounds like a poem though, unless you continue it!.
Keep writing, and devloping your style!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Try not to use the word "you" in a story unless you are specifically talking to someone!. "All sorts of" might not be the best choice of words either!. Some of the wording is awkward and you might want to change that around a little!. Very repetitive at parts, especially when you keep saying "when you think about it"!.

It is a great idea though!. Great way to set the background of a story!.!.!. now onto the hard part!.!.!. the actual plot! Good description is an important part of a story and you did a good job with that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Oooo!.!. your a good discriber! im jealose of you!. :P the only thing i would the only thing i would change is

"Nature is amazing once you think about it!. The sky is the sky, big deal, until you think about it!."

i would take out one of the think abouts!.!.!. it get a little reptitive!.

good job keep on go'en :PWww@QuestionHome@Com

Well, I think you have a great idea going!. But to ask a question in a paragraph when the reader doesn't know whats going on is not my type of story!. Now, if someone was asking that, then that would be okay!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Most stories try to avoid asking their readers question (excluding choose your own adventure books) because their readers can say 'no' and then they aren't fallowing were you're guiding them!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

well this is absolutely wonderful!. But i wouldnt start of my stroy with a question!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

love it!. amazing write more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I don't like it!. Not to be mean, it's just it appears that you're trying too hard!. It sounds like a list instead of a descriptive narrative!. And you say think so many times!

" The autumn trees are beautiful,aren't they!? All sorts of red, orange and gold are mixed into a leafy blend!. They’re so brittle, crunchy and crisp if you touch one!."

I'd write this instead;
I adore the multicolored autumn trees!. Such beautiful reds and browns punctuated with highlights of gold, yellow and orange!. Delicate leaves waiting for a gust of wind to bring them fluttering to the floor where they crunch beneath your feet!.

Although, for a 10 year old, it's marvelous :) xxxWww@QuestionHome@Com