Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> How do you like the beginning of this story?


Question: How do you like the beginning of this story!?
I'm posting it on the bathroom wall app on Facebook!.!.!.I'll give you the link if you have the app and want to hear more!. lol!.
I also want to know what you guys think!!
________________________

I looked over my shoulder and laughed with relief!. I whip around again and see something I never wanted to see!. Flames erupted inside me; the laughter turned into burning tears as I rid of my happiness I was so fortunately given!. Not a whisper of fear had tread from his lips as I expected!.!.!.his mouth was moving, but no gentle, but tough voice was heard!. The one that I’ve known for so many years and had always hoped I would never lose!.
As my hope slipped away and my heart crumbled, I collapsed on the ground, just wondering!.!.!.why!. That word seemed to circulate throughout my mind a lot these days!. I put my own coat on his freezing cold body!.!.!.it was almost as if ice encased it!. Nothing but a pair of faded, ripped jeans and a thin white t-shirt lay on his paler-than-usual skin!.
The sun was bright, but no warmth within yet as day approached!. It gave no sign of disappearing back behind the snowy forest!.
Then fear struck me as if someone had slapped me in the face!. Hard!. As the terror took over my whole being, I sank down even lower to the ground, my head laying on his chest!. I closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face, and whispered his name!. I let out a sob and clenched my fists into two balls, punching the ground, screaming in frustration!.
I let the cold daylight spread throughout my body as the moon disappeared into the shadows, as I have seen it do so many times before!.
I hoped to God this was the last time!.

!.!.!.Maybe I should back up!.

“And here’s Axton!” I shouted into the sparkling microphone, smiling for the crowd!. I thought to myself, ‘well this is fun!. I have another freaking hour of this!.’
As Axton stepped onstage, I winked and he gave me a thumbs-up!. I disappeared behind the curtain as I chuckled to myself, thinking of how many people would kill to just touch him!.
I sighed and sat down in a plastic chair, wondering how long this was going to take!. I heard his angelic but masculine voice fill the whole building, and knew they wouldn’t want me back out there after his amazing performance!.
It was okay, though!. After hearing his voice, who wouldn’t forget about mine!?
I shook it off my mind as I left a note for Axton, telling him I was going home early!.!.!.hoping he wouldn’t get too mad!. Hah, he’s a little sensitive!. But that’s why I liked the guy so much!.
As I approached my silver Mercedes, I wondered how the show was going!. I tripped, then regained my balance!.
Just as I was cursing my 3 inch heels’ existence, I felt a hand on my shoulder and gasped!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I very much like it!. I don't have facebook, but I wish I could read more!. You really had my adrenaline going in the first paragraph and you use very delicate imagery!. I totally relaxed when I realized it wasn't real, and then you got me going again in that last sentence!. It's very good, I like it!. It's the style of how I write my stories :]Www@QuestionHome@Com

That was really good!. I totally love it!. Keep writing! You're a great writer and hopefully i stumble upon a book of yours someday in a bookstore published!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

i loved it was very good and the writing was very good alsoWww@QuestionHome@Com

it's beautiful!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very nice! You have an interesting style of writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I want more!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Thanks really good!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is very good Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is very good and captures the reader well, good job!. I can really see this as a movie or tv show!. keep it up !

review my story!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com