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Question: Now That it is a new day Can i ask you this!? What do you think of the new Novel I am 'working' on!?
Now bare in mind I am new to this sort of writing
I NEED FEEDBACK in order to persue this further!
I think this May turn out to be a thriller!
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It was cold and windy and just like any other day on Fairview Banks another routine afternoon
But on this particular day something was all about to change !.!.

"Morning Arnold!" "oh hey Jenny" Arnold and jenny went way back
they were friends since birth, for you see their mothers were blood sisters after a ritual event went wrong, which took place at their sorority!.!.
They have been best friends ever since

"Hey you know that new neighbour!? Mrs Benson i think her name is"
"what new neighbour!?" asked arnold looking a bit perplexed
"Um the lady up on Meinstreet!" exclaimed jenny, But arnold just stared at her in bewilderment
then a thought crossed Arnold's mind and he gave a shudder for he had seen no one up there ever since that fateful and tragic night!.!.
But He chose to put it out of his mind "um no I haven't yet"
"what's wrong Arnold!? You look like you have seen a Ghost!
"nah it's Nothing Jen just getting a bit chilly is all come on then lets go inside! Arnold said with a pale expression on his face

Jenny had only just Recently returned to Fairview ,after moving away at 9 to Arandale county
because her parents split up ,She then completed her 3 year course in Advertising and Business management!.
And decided it was time to come home!
So she had no idea of whom had been where or done what for that matter !.!.

"Okay I think maybe you need to sit down Jen!" now inside a fire lit and Hot chocolate
served, they sat in a cosy loveseat reminising about their childhood
and the silly games they used to play on onenother
"ooh hehe Remember when I went over to cindy's house to Play teatime and then you !.!."And then I snuck around the side and peeked in through
the window" Arnold interrupted! "yeah and then we caught sight of you and you High-tailed
it outta there as fats as you could " chuckled jenny
"heh Yup i was one hella kid back then huh!?" "you sure were" said jenny all the while gazing lovingly into his sparkly blue eyes

But of course Arnold was too busy sipping his warm beverage to Have noticed a thing! " Typical MEN!" she thought to herself

" Ooh look at the time I gotta run sorry Arn" said jenny who rushed off down the passage grabbing her coat off the hook
and shoving her cell into her pocket like a pro! "see ya I'll ring later"
" ooh okay bye then" "Oh wait Jen you forgot oh nevermind" Said Arnold Because in a flash she was already out the door and half way driven out the driveway to have heard a thing

She forgot her purse! and arnold being the inquistive man that he was was nearly tempted to look inside but thought it best not to since it was already hard to understand woman at this point to even consider daring to break the myth of the "handbag"
Arnold said in a mock tone voice "hmm that girl is always on the move she really needs to slow down a bit before she has a stoke!"

Arriving home she opened her door moved towards the stairs , unbuttoning her top
as she reached each step
Threw her clothes into a hamper by the bedside and jumped into a hot shower
Now refreshed and energised she picked up the phone and called an old friend
" Hi Cinds what's Up!? been awhile Hasn't it! listen Can i come over!?"
"sure you can! just be sure to bring the Tequila!" the woman on the other end said
It was a ritual with these two women that each time they visited eachother they brought a bottle of
spirits!.

Jenny calm now tossed a few outfits on the bed not making her mind up which suited her best
"oh let me just go with the black top and jeans hmm what do you think bella!?" she asked her labrador pup who before been rudely awoken by the sound of her voice was sleeping sounly curled up in her bed!.
"of course you do don't you yes you're my little angel aren't You yes you are" she walked over picked her up giving
her ball of fluff as she called her a kiss and played with her ears "yap yap" cried an excited Bella!
Okay hunny bunny i gotta be going now mommy will be back real soon I promise
then we can go for a midnight stroll across the park hows that sound hmm!?"
she really loved her dog as bella was the only family she had left
"bye my angel" she bellowed as she walked out the door

At Cindy's house she felt secure knowing her friend will Comfort her
Wow you look fantastic Cinds!" " Huh!? oh yeah i just lost a few pounds is all"
"A Few! looks more than just a few Cindy!" Jenny Said excitedly

" kay Your'e right! I do look Fabulous don't I!?" said cindy striking a pose "My hubby seems to think so too"
she winked "please sit down" she said hinting to the sofa " ooh you naughty girl you I bet he does!"
"well come on then you've barely been back a week Now spill!" cindy always knew just what to say to get Jenny to open up"
Okay well yoWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think you should deffinately continue this!
You have a great way of expressing and you're great at writing!
you are like, way better then me! you're going to be like my Inspiration!
wowwwww!.! Www@QuestionHome@Com

I has a good start sounds like a good novelWww@QuestionHome@Com

its good so far keep going its going to be great Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think you have a good start on the plot but it get a little confusing your thoughts are not coming thru clearly !. You seen to jump around a little to much or maybe I'm not awake enough yet!. keep going I think it will be great once you edit and re do like most writers do!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good story, need some polishing though!. It needs some more excitement in the plot, work on the dialogue and your grammar, you also need to find a way to casually slip in her appearance, like in dialogue!. You have a real great story in the making!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked it! But you did use loads of !!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol and your punctuation really needed to be put in se sometimes you missed out the " and i had no idea who was talking! lol it sounds like a great story so far, even though towards the end i was like "whats going on!?" the atmosphere seemed to change so quickly from it being warm and lighthearted to something else!. How old are the characters!? that would have been helpful to know because arnold and jenny sound like old names! i liked it though, it was cheeky of you to put this link on my OWN question on horoscopes :P but i would have happily read your story!. hey how old are you!? because im apart of the young writers society for 13-25 year olds and its amaizing there, you can put your short stories or poems up and people review them and give you advise!. ill give you the link http://www!.youngwriterssociety!.com/ just register and off you go! lol unless yo are already joined to it!. Ill add you as a friend when you register, if you do
great story, carry it on! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com