How is this for the opening lines of a novel?

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Question:

''You sit, in contemplative posture, your features agonized and your expressions pained; you sit for hours and hours and hours, looking into darkness, hearing a small snore coming from the room next to yours!. And you conjure a past: a past in which you see a horse drop its rider; a past in which you discern a bird breaking out of its shell so it will fly into the heavens of freedom!. Out of the same past emerges a man wrapped in a mantle with unpatched holes !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.''
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

"How is this for the opening lines of a novel!?"

Beautiful! Its enchanting!
But is this a part of a dialogue!? If not, then are you going to use the same narrative throughout the book!? If these words are a part of a character's speech, they are apt and invite one to read more!. But if they are from the narrator to the reader, then the narrative may be hard to keep up!.

the story seems good though! good luck!
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It's very interesting and "deep", although a bit "heavy"!. Maybe try making it a bit simpler, lighter, easier to understand (what you're trying to say), since it's only the beginning!. Good luck to ya! =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

sounds good (and not confusing at all)

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