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Position:Home>Books & Authors> Do you like my story? well almost well not even close to a novel so far? its pro


Question: Do you like my story!? well almost well not even close to a novel so far!? its prob to long lol so sorry!?
"Hey Kendra, lets go to this Halloween party at the graveyard these people
are hosting at our school!" Stefani said!. "Oh really!? There is Halloween
party at the grave yard!? Sweet!" I said!.
As we got there, it was crowded with people there!. It looked like billions
of ants from hundreds of feet high!. "Wow, I cant believe we were invited!."
I said!. "Ha, why do you say that!? We are one of them!" Stefani
chuckled!. The music roared with rhymes!."Wow, this song is good!" Stefani
said!.
"Isn't it rap!? Because dude, we love rap! Hey lets go to the-" As I got
interrupted!. "Hey girls whats up!?" Some random guy came up to us and
asked us that!. "Uh, who are you!?" We said at the same time!. "I go to
your school!. My name is Josh, Josh Lotus!. Haven't you heard of me!?
Im the one who hosts this party!." Josh said!.
"Oh your that guy who's really popular! Hi!" We said suprisingly!.
"You've never seen me before huh!?" Josh said!. "Not really!. But we heard
of you!" I said!. "Well I heard of you guys too, and I thought you guys
sounded cool, so I invited you guys!." Josh said!. "Oh cool, thanks!." We
said!. "Here let me show you guys around!. Heres the punch counter, here is
the soda fountain, heres the snacks, and heres just plain water!." Josh said!.
"Well thanks for telling us were every things at!. But this party rocks!" Stefani said!.
"Yeah this is a great party!." I said!. "Well, you guys just have fun!. Talk
to you guys later!." Josh said!. "Wow, that was weird!." I said!. "Yeah, it
was, but we got to meet the most coolest guy in school!" Stefani said!.
Chapter Two: The Fun Begins
"As I was saying before I got interrupted, lets go get some punch!." I said!.
"Sure!." Stefani said!. "Uh, why is the punch bouncing!?" I said!. " I dont
know, thats kind of creepy!. !. !. !. The ground started to rumble and shake
so hard, that it felt like a dinosaur stepped on Earth!.
"EARTHQUAKE!" Someone yelled!. "I don't think this is an earthquake, we
are on a graveyard!." I said!. "You know what, this is creepy!. First the
punch, now the ground!? Whats next the grave stones!?" Stefani said!.
One of the gravestones just tipped over like a bridge falling down!. "Oh you got to be joking!" Stefani
said surprisingly!.
Then, a couple of more gravestones tipped over!. I started to hear whispering voices
coming from no where!. I looked left, right, up and down!. And I noticed
it was coming from the ground!. "Oh no, you've got to be kidding me!"
Stefani said!. "RUN!" I screeched at the top of my lungs!. But it was to
late, there was nothing there, but what ever was there, grabbed our
legs and dragged them all over the place! It felt like we are on a
roller coaster that swings you around, and when I say around,
I do mean around and around and around over and over again!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think its sounds pretty good, but you should put something in there that captures the audience`s full attention!. Like something that makes the story stand out from all the others!. And just describe your chacters a little more like, how do they all know each other!? Or something about the grave yard like do they know if it was haunted before they came there!? Hope I Helped!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You skipped through parts, and weren't detailed enough!. also use spell check next time!. Good plot though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

simply horrible Www@QuestionHome@Com

The plot sounds interesting!. To work on your writing though you should join this cool writing site I'm on called http://www!.chapteread!.com!. It's a great site to get feedback and advice!. Anyways, good luck and I'll be looking out for your rewrites on http://www!.chapteread!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com

too much error like ' heres the snacks' it should be here are the snacks!. and u dont use but unless youre saying something opposing to your first idea!. 'thanks for telling where everything is at!. but this party rocks'!? that doesnt fit together!. and too much of the word 'said'!. also you dont make sense in some parts!. and when u use dialogue you put it in different paragraphs!. ex:
"Hi," Tom greeted!.
"Hey Tom," Jen answered!.
NOT:
"Hi," Tom greeted!. "Hey Tom," Jen answered!.Www@QuestionHome@Com