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Question: What do you think of this rough draft of my poem!?
Thirty Odd Years
Wandering the cursed Earth
amid a fog of stupid words
and broken ideologies,
an angel fallen, thrown from
grace, Thirty odd years
peppered with majesty
and smiles, tragedy and trials
A heart once hot as first time
love, now cold like ancient
catacombs!. It is unbearable
that I've been smudged, an
erasure of my former self,
no longer pristine!.
Thirty odd years worn down
from voices, violence, vicodine, and vodka
all chipped away at my facade,
the real me spilling out!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
amazing!. the imagery is vivid, the diction is strong!. i LOVED the comparison to "ancient catacombs"! my only criticism is that the last two lines are much weaker than the rest of the poem, so the poem doesn't end as powerfully as i expected it to!. your strongest section is from "A heart!.!.!." to "vodka"!. I would just expand upon that section in the same fashion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That is really thought provoking but I have to say that your avatar looks like Gok Wan! Fashion guru or not that poem is great and you could send it off to a newspaper column! Well done!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ugh!.!.!.here we go again!.!.!.please stop complaining!.!.!.this is so trite!.!.!."cursed earth" lighten up!.!.!.you wanted honesty right!. This is dull!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like its!. It's deep!.
Only constructive criticism I'd give; The last line seems a little 'thrown on' if you get me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It ok!Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow!.!.its a masterpiece!. it can't be a rough draft lolWww@QuestionHome@Com