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Question: What do you think about the beginning of my story!? :D!?
I ran as fast as I could through the dark, lonely alley!. The bearded man with a dark colored jacket, dirty old pants and worn out sneakers ran after me!. He wasn't as fast as I had first assumed!. I swiftly turned around to see that he was slightly limping on his right leg!. He must have some how gotten injured before!.
I kept up my pace, looking at the tiny light that came from the end of the alley!. I turned back around again to see if he was still following me!. He had stopped for a few seconds to catch his breath and pick up a broken, green, glass bottle!.
The end of the alley was no more that 30 yards away!. The man threw the bottle at none other than my head!. He had pretty good aim!. I steered myself out of the way but even so, the bottle slashed at my upper right arm!.
This Is just the beginning!. Do you like it so far!? Would you look forward to reading more!? Criticize as much as possible!!!
-gets ready to hear harsh comments-Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ooo suspensful, always good! What i need to know is: is this a prologue or chapter one!. As much as i hate to say this, it seems a little too detailed for a prologue, like it might intrigue readers more if it was a bit more vagues (Random example: *I ran as fast as i could through the dark, loney alley!. He was after me!.* This creates even more suspense, and the reader keeps asking who!?!?!? why!?!?!? which will get them to keep reading!. ) If its chapter one, then i have some different criticism!. You might want to try to show the emotions of the main character a little more!. Like was he/she scared, out of breath, panicked etc!. It will make the character seems a little more real!. These are just some of my own suggestions, but since its your story, you can write it however you want!. Its really good so far! Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com
When did you write that!?!?!?!?!?!?That was random, but good!Www@QuestionHome@Com
OOO!!! *wide eyed* lol! yes i would love to read more because i want to see why the guy is chasing the main character!. i do have a few things to say:
1!. Try to find another word other that dark when you describe his jacket because in the sentence before you used dark!.
2!. Try "he was not" as opposed to "he wasn't"!.
3!. Put "i turned around again" or simply i turned back instead of "i turned back around again"
4!. Avoid saying he had pretty good aim!. Try decent or "he had a rather precise/ accurate aim"
That is all that i find wrong!.
Just a tip that i use: It is okay to use simple writing just make sure the plot is complex!. At least in my opinion i do not mind big or small words (although i prefer a mix of both)!. I like it when the story is different and complex!. Another thing is that do not try too hard to use big words as they often cause a misconception in what you are trying to say!. If you cannot find a big word, use the one you had before then come back to it later and maybe a better word will come to mind!.
Good Luck and email me the rest ^_^ KEEP ON WRITING!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com