Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Is my short story/script excellent?


Question: Is my short story/script excellent!?
Mark: Cindy, baby, we need to talk!. This isn't working out!.
Cindy:: Mark, say it isn't so!
Mark: I'm afraid it is so, Cidy!. That fire you lit in my heart!.!.!. it's been extinguised!.
Cindy: But Mark, I love you with all my heart and soul!
Mark: Cindy, our love was a fire as bright and passionately burning as your heart and soul, but I can't keep up this charade anymore!. I've fallen out of love with you!.
Cindy: Mark, I love you with the passionate intensity only a truly smitten girl can feel in the very depths of her heart and soul-
Mark: Enough, Cindy! This hurts you more than it does me!.
Cindy: But Mark, I!.!.!. I thought what we had was-
Mark: Don't say it, Cindy!. I know all too well of what we had!. But it's for the best!.
Cindy: But!.!.!. why!? Baby, I can't live without you! You are the light of my life, my sole reason for being!
Mark: I am not a man worthy of that title!. You will be loved someday, my dear, but not by a guy like me!. We have to move on!.
Cindy: What did I do wrong!? What have I done!?!?
Mark: It hurts me to see you blame yourself, Cindy!. It's not you, it's me!. I need to find myself before I can give another heart the loving nourishment it needs!.
Cindy: Mark, noooo!
Mark: I'm sorry Cindy!. Goodbye!.
[Mark's head suddenly grows eight little pairs of legs and detaches itself from his body by pushing itself off of his neck!. A strange pink goo oozes from where Mark's head was!. Mark's head laughs in a squeaky little voice as it falls to the ground, then scuttles away!. Cindy then procedes to take the clothes off of his remaining body]Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Yeah, I can see how eight pairs of legs growing out of a guy's head can come between a man and a woman!.

And I bet the strange pink goo does nothing to help!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's interesting but I don't fully understand the concept behind it!. also, while I get the mood you are trying to set at the beginning, it is a bit repetitive and your grammar is off!. I'd revise it a bit more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The last part is creepy, but besides that, I loved it! On mark's second line, you wrote cidy instead of cindy!.It's great! I can't wait to read it when it comes out in hardback! Lol!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

What in the world is all I can say!.
Wow!.
That is really cheesy and then just plain weird!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

No!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

i find it very!.!.!.!.awkard!. i'm not trying to be mean but it sounds a little over the topWww@QuestionHome@Com