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Question: I accidently deleted this before!. It's the beginning of my story!. Is it okay or decent!? !?
It's only the first 2 paragraphs out of many!. This starts off my story!. Critizim accepted!. I was a little sketchy about the detailing and such in this part!. Any suggestions!?

Please don't be rude!.

Daydreaming can be extremely dangerous to one’s health, or at least maintaining a decent GPA!. It does not make it easier knowing I have to sit in this room of tedium and listen to the monotone lectures from my professor!. I stole a glance at the clock, and I realized that it had only moved a fraction of an inch in the last five minutes, or what felt like it!. It seemed time moved slower than ever!. My eyes took a trip around the room and finally ended at the surface of my desk!. There I saw imprints of writing scarring the smooth lumber!. One of the obscure messages read RG + LB = <3 and the heart was so deeply engraved, I could have stored supplies in there if I wanted to!. My pencil that was I had bitten almost to the core, starting tapping on my desk impatiently!. That’s when my distant thoughts were interrupted by Mr!. Sattian’s voice sounding in the distance!. “Dana, what is a proof!? … Dana!?” My teacher Mr!. Sattian questioned!. It was almost as if he was expecting the wrong answer from me, before he asked the question!. I hated him because he knew I was not paying attention and just like the malicious teacher he is, he just had to call on me!. “Dana, I’m waiting for your answer!.” I just glimpsed up with a whitewashed expression on my face!. I had no clue!. Why bother!? I would never use his teachings after I passed the class!.
My mouth scarcely opened and the bell rang!. Wow, just my luck; saved by the bell!. (I know, totally cliché right!?)!. “Sorry maybe next time, sir,” and responded with a diminutive smile, as I began to silently snigger!. I scurried out of the classroom and I swear I felt Mr!. Sattian’s glare on the back of my head!. Glares make me uncomfortable, especially if it’s a bad one!. I knew I was walking on glass with him!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I enjoyed your writing style very much!. I felt like I was there with you, counting the minutes, and the detail about the carving in the desk was very clever!. A couple of errors--"my pencil that was I had bitten!.!.!.(delete the "was); My teacher Mr!. Sattian questioned (should be a comma after teacher); it was almost as if he was (should be were--imperative tense); no comma between me and before!.

Other than that, I think your use of vocabulary and adjectives is excellent (ex: diminutive smile, whitewashed expression, snigger (haven't heard that in a long time--LOL)!. I don't really like the "walking on glass!." How about "walking on eggshells!?"

Keep up the great work!. We might be seeing you on the best seller list one of these days!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its awesome!! the perfect start to the perfect story!!! continue seriously finish it!!!! i want to be the first to read it!!!!! i wish you would email it to me!. i love it!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is a really good start!. you should finish it! sounds like a person i could relate to and a book i would defintinaly read!Www@QuestionHome@Com

well!.!.!. i think i would understand it better if i knew what the book or story was supposed to be about!.

but it was good!
keep on going!.
you may become famous :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

the writing is nice and descriptive with a couple of grammar mistakes!. but well done!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Awesome, it sounds great!. But where is leading to!? I know its only the first 2 paragraphs thoughWww@QuestionHome@Com

The first sentence doesn't grab my attention!.

Be careful of alliterations and overusing adjectives!.

You do have a better grasp of grammar and spelling than some of the drivel I have read here!.

Just keep at it!. It will get better!.

And yes, I know YA ignores indents!. Try using double spacing for paragraphs when posting here!.

Www@QuestionHome@Com

The character is *very* easy to relate to!.

This is very good, and you have great imagery!. Very little, minor flaws, but overall it was great!. Keep up the good work, and don't slow down because you're doing great!

:]Www@QuestionHome@Com

I LOVED it!.!.!.!.I'm sorry but I just found out that someone deleted my 13 pg!. story off the computer!.!.!.Ahhhh it took me 3 mouths to write it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry for puting all that I'm just so!.!.!.!.!.!.!.UPSET!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com