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Question: I've posted this before but I didn't get an answer, so please read!?
How is this!?

I wanted to tell you my story oh how I fell in love, and then had my heart torn apart!. Having learned something that I would never have believed if someone else told me!. I wouldn’t have believed that my first real boyfriend was the guy that terrorized me in my dreams, no not dreams…nightmares!. It was October Thirty-first when I first met him!. My best-friend Zoey Owens was having a Halloween party in her guest house!. I was standing by the punch bowl rolling my eyes watching Zoey making-out with a guy!. I sighed and took a sip of my cup of punch and threw it in the trash!. I pushed away from the table and walked over to were Zoey and the guy were making out!. I stepped in front of her and cleared my throat!. Zoey pulled away and looked at me smiling!.
“Hey Millie, having a good time!?” she asked!. Not as much as you!. “Yep but I need to get home Zoey!.” Zoey’s smile disappeared!. “Why!?” She asked!. I rolled my eyes and shrugged my shoulders!.
“Zoey it’s 12:00 and I’m supposed to be home by 12:30, you know how my parents are!.” She nodded and turned back to whathisface and said, “Pete sorry but I’ve got to find a ride for my Millie!.” Pete…no she’s not that stupid…!.! I thought to myself!. She got off his lap and pulled me to the kitchen!.
“Zoey I can’t believe you! Do you have a death wish!!?” I asked whispering!. She chuckled and got a beer from the fridge and opened it!. She took a sip before she answered, “So what if I do!.” I threw my hands up into the air!.
“If Hailey ever saw you kissing Pete she would kill you!” I whispered!. Zoey shrugged and smiled!. “I don’t care, she doesn’t own me!. And Pete is free to kiss anyone he wants!.” She said throwing her chin into the air!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
lol my names haley hahaha

ok think about sentece rhythym!.!.!. don't make all the sentences the same length!.!. use better words for word choice, and don't start every sentece with the letter "I" lol and don't hop into the story so quickly, give details and a setting first :] also, find an author that you like, and try to mimic your style!.!.!. meg cabot is a goof teen romance novel writer, she writes the princess diaries, and they are HUHLARIOUS lol

never stop writing, it's one of the best things we have in this world =)


all the best :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Huh!? What are you going on about!? Sounds like a Sweet Valley High story line!Www@QuestionHome@Com

so far, so good!. only thing is that there is a were instead of a where in thereWww@QuestionHome@Com

That's really good!!

I'd read it :)

let me know when you can put up more :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

first of all if your writing a book or someting, you need to fix the grammer mistakes!.

I like your opening statement!. It made me intersted enough to read the entire thing!.

you need to make it clear why hailey would kill zoey if she saw her kissing pete!. are hailey and pete dating!? you need to make that clear!.

other than that, it looks pretty good!


By the way, what are you writing this for!? Www@QuestionHome@Com