Question Home

Position:Home>Books & Authors> Is this story that i wrote good? i'm still working on it, there is more.?


Question: Is this story that i wrote good!? i'm still working on it, there is more!.!?
Abbey Omay sat there, confused!. "Why are they so perfect!?", she asked her best friend, Maggie Mare!. " I don't know!.", Maggie said, as she twirled her strawberry blond hair around her finger!. Abbey sat in awe as she watched Hannah Light lead her exclusive clique to their usual lunch table, as she tossed her light brown hair over her shoulder!. Lexi Smith stood a few paces behind Hannah!. Lexi was her second in command, she tightened her blue polka dot ribbon that was on the top of her platinum blond hair!. Her very short body next to Hannah's very long body looked funny, but they made it work!. Right behind her was Kate Scottson, she was so thin and a little short, but not as short as Lexi!. She was really strong though, but you would never notice because of how thin she was!. Kate always laughed and smiled which made her very approachable!. She tossed her shoulder length brown hair behind her and continued walking!. Roxy Boulder was standing right next to Kate and was putting her dark brunette hair in a high ponytail!. She loved soccer, but if she wanted to stay in the clique she had to try out for the Blue Water Middle School cheerleading squad instead of the soccer team!. The Los Angeles sun didn't brighten her hair though, which was odd!. Roxy was definitly the nicest of the clique!. Abbey thought she wouldn't stand a chance in their clique, with her long limp brown hair!. Maggie would though, Abbey thought!. She was short and cute!.!.!. Ugh, why couldn't she be like Maggie!. Instead she would just have to settle for being her best friend, even though she desperately wanted to be in the clique!.
"Ok, so I have an announcement to make!.", Hannah said as she leaned in closer and pushed her hair behind her!.
"Really!? What could that be!?", Lexi asked!.
"Well, I am going to redesign our clique!. We will add new people and maybe get rid of people!. I want a fresh new start, and some of you may stay with me!.!.!. Maybe all of you!. Who knows!?", Hannah said with a big grin spread across her face!. She clapped three times and waited for a response!.
"Wait, how are you going to tell everyone!? When!? Why!? Will there be a new leader!? Or second in command!?", Lexi asked as the insecurities filled her eyes!.
"I will tell everybody tonight at cheerleading tryouts, since we all must be cheerleaders!.", Hannah said as she looked at Roxy!. Roxy could feel everyone looking at her so she looked down at her shoes!.
"Anyways, there will not be a new leader, and there may be a new second in command!. Who knows!? Lets just see how everything works out!.", Hannah said trying to reassure her best friends that everything will work out smoothly!. But even Hannah couldn't predict what could happen to them!.
"So, do you think you will try out for the cheerleading squad!?", Abbey asked!. Maggie took a pretzel and bit it!. "Well, I've been thinking and even though I would really like to be with you and everything, I think I would rather try out for soccer!. It's more of my thing, you know!? I hope your not upset!.!.!.", Maggie said sincerely!. She grabbed two more pretzels and stuffed them in her mouth!. "Oh, yeah I understand!.", Abbey said, she truely did understand!. "I still don't understand why you aren't trying out for the soccer team either!. You love it as much as me!.", Maggie said, putting down a pretzel and turning her head towards the right while looking at her best friend!. " Yeah!.!.!. But I really want to try something new!.", Abbey said, even though she really didn't mean it!. She really wanted to try out because then maybe, just maybe, the clique might except her!. "Oh come on Abbey, I know you only want to do it because the clique does it!. I'm your best friend, you can admit at least that to me!.", Maggie said as she pulled a big cookie out of her lunch bag!. "Well, yeah!. That is true!. I'm sorry, it's just!.!.!. I don't know, I really want to be accpeted by them!.", Abbey said as she broke off a part of Maggie's cookie!. "Well, it doesn't help to copy them!. That just will make them think your a bigger wannabe then you already are!.", Maggie said with a playful grin!. "Oh shut up!", Abbey said while she playfully smacked her best friend on the shoulder!.
"Come on girls, please scurry!", said Ashley, Hannah's driver!. That was it for the clique though, they burst into laughter!. "You mean hurry!?!", Kate yelled, while cracking up with her best friends!. "No, I mean scurry!", Ashley said with a seriously mad look on her face!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
okay!. You focus way too much time on HAIR! Try to describe thier eyes, their skin, their cloths!.!.!.Try making the plot clearer like in Harry Potter!. Half way through i got confused with so many names and kept thinking who was that!? Who is that person!? What color was her hair again!? It was a good start but it has to be clear!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

It seems a lot like the Clique series with the characters names,attitudes,and actions!. I also think the first part is too full of introductions, which is something I struggle with in my writing too!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

well first of all, u shouldnt have posted it here because someone could take it and use it as there own!. but yeah, i think it just might be worth finishing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com