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Question: Help on action scenes in writing!!?
Hi, I'm attempting to create an action scenario within my writing!. This particular quote is from a sword fight within the piece!. It is a very small piece but I need help to give my writing a feeling of excitement!.
"The force of the colliding blades shook the earth below them; blows exchanged with an unrelenting fury of hate and anger!."
So it might now be great and it is rather short but I really would like input on how action scenes in writing keep up with the action without packing too much into a short section and become too chaotic and confusing!. Thank you :DWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
"The force of the colliding blades shook the earth below them; blows exchanged with an unrelenting fury of hate and anger!."
It is too passive!. The blades are not merely "colliding"!. Collisions between objects happen often by accident, so this is not the right word!. You need a word that speaks of the purpose behind the fight!. And really !.!.!. how can two blades hitting each other make the earth shake!. Even though it may be fantasy you must retain a grasp on reality!. The sound may have been loud and ringing, perhaps enough to scare birds, but shaking earth!? I don't think so!.
Similarly, what is a fury of hate!? Doesn't make sense!. Fury is a noun and hate is a verb!. Where is your character!? Blades don't feel anything, certainly not fury!. Your character, let's call her Jane, felt fury and anger as she fought!.
A point on fight scenes!. Professional fighters do not feel these emotions when fighting!. Professional actors may pretend to do so in movies, but you should be writing about real fighters, not actors!. Fury and hate are distractions that will cause a fighter to lose!.
"The sound of the sword strikes rang across the glade, causing a flock of birds to rise from the trees and wheel away in alarm!. Jane grunted with the effort of swinging the heavy Falchion!. She forced herself to remain calm, blocking and thrusting as if she were practicing with her old weapons master back in the castle !.!.!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sometimes takes a lot of practice!. I've done some mistakes until I got the hang of it and got it to flow!. You'll have to really get into the scene and your characters, almost be in the fight with them!. Make your sentances short, too!. I do mine with fanfiction (really) to practice!.
This one has a lot of fighting!. Example: http://www!.fanfiction!.net/s/4480193/4/Th!.!.!.
Go towards the middle!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it!. i think you have a good way of getting the feel across!. quite powerful!. if you can keep it up for the entire book it would be a great read! pull out the stops and go with it!. maybe flip flop, flashback, switch times around to continually hone the blade for the final showdown!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That's good! Here's some I've written:
Cat fight, literally cats:
“I’ll fight you now!.” He leaped at me, claws outstretched, but I quickly jumped back, making him fall on his face!. He layed there, shocked for a few seconds, giving me a chance to make my attack!. I came from his side, and dove, claws scratching every which way!. He cried out, at first, but then he swept a giant paw over my muzzle!. It hurt, and bright red blood started falling!. It got in my nose, and my mouth!. It was hard to breathe without breathing in blood!. But, that didn’t stop me!. I withdrew myself, then leaped over him, and started biting his black tail!. He quickly turned, but as he did, I scratched him across his face (avoiding his eyes) with my claw!. He yelled out in pain, then cried for mercy!.
Fist fight:
With a growl of defiance and anger, Kayla leapt at Jade, catching her off guard!. The other girl slammed down to the floor, letting out a gasp of shock!. Kayla raised a fist to punch her in the face, and as she started to do so, Jade’s tiny hand came up and grabbed Kayla’s closed fist!. Kayla pushed and pushed as hard as she could, but the strange girl’s strength seemed to be equal to her own!. It made no sense, especially since it seemed that Jade’s arm would snap off with the effort!. But no such thing happened!. While Kayla was staring at the girl with confusion, Jade took the opportunity to knock a blow into the side of Kayla’s head!. Kayla pulled away her fist, and pressed her hand to where Jade had hit her!. It felt like a horse had just kicked stepped on the side of her face!. A headache sprang forward and Kayla shut her eyes, furrowing her brows, trying to reduce the pain, completely forgetting what was happening around her!. Before she knew it, Jade grabbed her by the throat and, very painfully, hauled her until Kayla’s back was to the wall!. Then, the red-head heard a small click and Jade took her hand away from Kayla’s throat!.
“You! You…” Kayla’s neck stiffened, and she placed her hands on the wall behind her to avoid stumbling forward!. She found it hard to think straight, with so much pain issuing from her head!.
“Don’t move!.” Came Jade’s calm response!. Suddenly, Kayla felt something cold against her throat!. Oh no!.
“Please don’t tell me you have a knife there!.” She said with a sigh!. Jade grinned!.
“Ok, I don’t!.” She said, a hint of humor in her voice!.
“Are you lying!?”
“Yes!.”Www@QuestionHome@Com