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Question: Read the beginning to my story, !?
Chapter One
~The Beginning~


You began to open your eyes!. It was about dawn!. Everything felt numb as you began to try to stand up!. Then you looked down at yourself and noticed you were covered in blood!. You tried to think of what happened!. You tried to remember but couldn’t!. You didn’t know where you came from, your name or anything!. As you moved, you didn’t even feel the pain you should have felt!. The pain was numbed out and you felt weak!. You pulled out a blood stained laminated card that read:

Yuki Katakana
Social Security Number:
0000 1328 6423 421108

“Yuki Katakana” you said to yourself!. Above it was a picture of a girl with long brown hair, with blue eyes!. You looked at your hair and assumed the picture to be you!. But why could you not remember any thing!. Nothing!. Not even you mother or father, family… Nothing… Things started to get blurry and you fell to the ground and into what you thought an eternal slumber, death!. You didn’t know why at your last seconds, but you felt as though you wanted to die, that maybe something happened to make you want to stop living, but you didn’t know what!.


You opened your eyes, it was a white room, and it seemed you were in a hospital bed!. Some reason you remembered hating hospitals, you didn’t quite remember why!. At that moment, a doctor walked in with a small, shiny object in his hand, and you immediately remembered why, it was a needle!.
“No! Uh-uh, not sharp, pointy things!” you said still staring at the shiny object!.
“It’s alright, it won’t hurt a bit!.” the doctor said calmly!. You looked at his calm, smiling face and sighed softly!. He walked over to you and you just starred at the needle in his hands!.
“Don’t worry about it, okay, I’ll count to ten first, so you’ll know when it’s coming!. Just close your eyes and take a deep breath!. You closed your eyes and he began to count!. 1!.…!.2!.!.!. Then you felt something cold, and you jumped!.
“Cotton Swab,” he said giggling at your sudden fright!. You settle back down and closed your eyes!. He began to count again!. 1!.………!.2!.………!.3!.……you felt some stiff feeling on your arm and ignored it thinking it was the cotton swab again!. 8!.…………!.9!.…………10!. You closed your eyes tighter, but nothing happened!. You opened your eyes and the doctor was on the other side of the room cleaning the needle!. You looked at your arm which had a cotton swab on it with tape over it, you didn’t even feel him pull away!.
“It takes the drug 5 seconds to take effect!. That’s why I had to count to ten so you wouldn’t feel me pull away, as for the needle, it is completely pain-less considering you didn’t even notice it,” he said still smiling!. You just stared at the empty needle in his hands completely shocked!. He lost is smile as something beeped in his back pocket!.
“Good Day Mrs!. Katakana,” he said as he left the room!.
“Wait, I never told you my name!.” he reopened you door?
“Your in a hospital, and you had an ID in your back pocket!.” you didn’t even notice you weren’t wearing your clothes any longer!. He fully closed the door, and you laid back in the bed and fell into a much needed sleep!.




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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
1) I REALLY hope that is a fake social security number

2) I thought it was pretty good but instead of 'you' use 'I' or 'she'!. Readers can often be confused when the word 'you' is used such as when someone shouts "Hey you!" in a large crowd!.

3)Is this first chapter setting the reader up for the milestones in the protagonist's future!? I can see where it would but I'm a little confused with some parts!.

4) I have to give you a pat on the back for using a foreign name to ensure differentuality but some readers might have saying the name with the correct Japanese pronunciation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com