What do you think about my story?

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Question:

Ok so my story is scenario of my comic book called "Tasogare no Shojo no Fushigi" (The Mystery Of Twilight Girl)
It's about young girl, Aya Fujikawa, who met strange dressed women!.
Mysterious person tells her a legend about girl, who will save this world from demons!.
And finally, the mysterious power appears in Aya's body!.
She can talk with ghosts, death gods and use paranormal powers!.
Then woman, called Haruka, tells her that is a lot of people seeing ghosts etc!.
From now, she must find her buddies, called Twilight Guardians!.
And from then, they must find demons and try to save our world!.
But they meet one person, who really wants to stop them!.!.!. And is in love with Aya!.
It's not magical girl story, it's "Death Note-ish" type!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

i am a young writer and i love these kind of books! i think though that you need to make sure that not a lot of cliche stuff happens because that would just ruin the awesomeness of this plot!. the names could make things a little confusing though so don't make them really long!. make it so that something really surprising happens at the end cause that totally makes a book!. this is an awesome plot!. you should really publish it and tell me when you do!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sorry to say it doesn't attract my attention but nevertheless I'm my own thoughts!. I like the whole things you are describing but you can be more descriptive as to how and why the character Aya encounters such conflicts!. Like for instance how she encounters Haruka!. You state it is to tell her that a lot of people are seeing ghosts, in other words to comfort Aya!. That part is irrelevant to the main part of the story!.
Then again this is not a review, is it!?Www@QuestionHome@Com