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Position:Home>Books & Authors> Would you look over the first part of my book?Question: Would you look over the first part of my book!? its about someone who gets a job at an evil organisation!.!. i know that sounds a bit silly but i write for a hobby, any tips!?
http://hayleyiraina!.blogspot!.com/ i know its long but read as much as u want then give me tips, i'd really appreciate any opinions!. Thanks!Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: you just want to write as a hobby!? I think you could make a career out of writing!. You have so much talent!. although one point!. im not sure if i like one sentence; Thank you Mr Smedley," replied Asher Monroe entering the office, taking the seat he was gestured to and refusing the coffee offered to him!. maybe it could be!.!.!.!.,"replied Asher Monroe while entering the office and taking the seat he was gested to and refusing the coffee offered to him!.!.!.!.it flows a little better!.!.!. just trying to help!? great story by the way!Www@QuestionHome@Com Not too shabby so far!. I'm not too fond of some of the names, as they seem to be names that one might read in a Goosebumps book!. This could be what you want, though, as it helps with the comedic effect that you seem to be going for!. There are two or three places where you seem to be missing a comma, or one is misplaced!. For instance, "Asher I believe your friend Nate Oakley, !.!.!." should be , "Asher, I believe your friend Nate Oakley, !.!.!." but otherwise not badly written!.Www@QuestionHome@Com it's actually okay!.!.!. maybe you should try to fit in some background information on Asher like what he was doing previously as a job, what kind of person he is, how he felt before he went to Mr!. Smedley's office, somewhat like an exposition!. Besides that it kept my interest!. It made me think of the movie wanted with James McAvoy and Angelina JolieWww@QuestionHome@Com Two free places to post your stuff for good and bad critiquing: http://www!.fictionpress!.com http://www!.writerscafe!.orgWww@QuestionHome@Com Not very good, sorry!.!.!. :( EDIT, wait, oh you say its an evil organisation!? I actually kind of like it!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com its probably good!. but i only read one sentence causre i'm not in2 dat kinda genreWww@QuestionHome@Com it's kinda funny, i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com |