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Question: Killer Story is it good!?
It was a very snowy day in chicago were a family lived the family was out while Shelby the oldest child was having a party!.Yea invite Lindsay Kyle Heather Jenna and Alex to our party maybe even Mark Shelby told Hilary!.Okay Hilary whispered as her mom walked in!.What are you doing Hilary's mom angrily said!.(She was angry because the parents got in a fight!.)Nothing Hilary nervously said!.Okay her mom whispered as she walked away!.4 hours later everyone was at the party!.I really hope mark doesn't come he's dirty and poor Shelby said!.The doorbell rang and Shelby answered it!.It was Mark!.Hi Shelby Mark exclaimed!.Hi Mark Shelby Shouted (She was mad he came!.)I'm gonna use the bathroom Lindsay said!.She went into the bathroom and used it!.I'm gonna go outside Mark said loudly!.He blocked the door with snow and climbed through the bathroom window!.Ew Lindsay shouted!.Mark sliced her throat and ran out!.I'm gonna check on Lindsay Shelby said!.Shelby was dead on the floor!.Oh no help Shelby cried!.Lindsay was dead on the floor!.Kyle tried to get out but the door was blocked with snow!.**** Kyle shouted as he tried to open it!.Well me and jenna will check for a downstair's exit Kyle said!.I guess jenna said confuesed!.They went downstair's and found a door!.Guys weres Mark and Heather!? Hilary asked!.I dont know shelby screamed (She was having a headache!.)Your dead you ***** Mark told Heather!.no please no she shouted!.He stabbed her over and over!.Then he went downstair's without getting caught by the other kids!.I'm so scared Shelby cried he's still in here or she!.Its okay Hilary told her!.They called the police and they are comming soon!.Guys we f!.!.!.!. Kyle said as he was stabbed in the back!.Help Jenna said running out of the basement (downstair's)!.Help she told alex as she was pulled away!.No mark said while chasing her!.Whats all that racket a sick shelby said!.I'll check Hilary told her!.Help alex and Jenna screamed as they were bieng stabbed by the killer!.What hap!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hilary said looking at all the blood!.Ahhhhhhhhh she screamed as she ran in the room with shelby and shut the door!.Go now Shelby said!.No Hilary screamed!.Then Shelby pushed her out the window!.No Hilary said dont stay up there!.I'm not Shelby screamed!.She tried to jump out the window but was stabbed!.Hilary cried and cried as she ran!.Mark caught up and tried to kill her and she remembered when she used to pick on mark!.Flashback:you poor ugly dirty nasty kid!.They used to make fun of him until he cried!.He tried to stabb her but she grabbed the knife and stabbed him in the stomache really hard and he died!.The cops came right after and saw the dead bodies!.5 years later she got married had a family and lived a happy life or not!.The End!.How was it!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Don't listen to them!. Your story is great!. My sister was supposed to write a story and she had the same problem with quotations so I helped her out!. Her story as well as yours is awesome!.
Work on your punctuation a bit and keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Pretty good actually! <3 Www@QuestionHome@Com

very confusing!!! but i got the general jist of it!.!.!. use quotation marks!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Kind of vague and stupid!. And honestly, you really suck at spelling and punctuation!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow surprising when they die but over all its niceWww@QuestionHome@Com

u didn't use quotations!

other then that, nice but short storyWww@QuestionHome@Com

It could be a good story if you use quotations and you used punctuation!. Try not to use perenthasis () + ur going ahead of yourself, slow down and take a chance to explain whats going on!. I too am a writer, you should read a book that I am writing!. It is in one of my questions, so just view my profile or I can email you it!. Good Luck and if you need any help email me at!.!.!. jesus!.myrock@yahoo!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com

Ok It was good
But you need quotations "" you know
And the ending was disappointing but again I am the type of girl who doesn't like "Happily Ever After" ending in a stories
You should of put "He stabbed her, The cops came and found the bodies and finally traced the killer, He went to jail for 2 months until he escaped and relized how much he loved to kill so he decided to kill more Popular Snobby Girls that reminded him of Hilary and Shelby" Or someting like that!.
But as a result Your story was good :]]
6 out of 10 Www@QuestionHome@Com

My opinion!? It was terrible!. Sorry to be blunt, but it has some major flaws!.

for starters:
Spelling
Grammar
Capitalization
Punctuation

If this is supposed to cause the reader fear or anxiety, you need to build that more!. I was very confused for most of it!. There wasn't a good introduction of the characters!. I didn't feel sympathy for any of them!. Don't cop out and use parentheses to explain what's going on!. Show it, don't say it!. also, the story is not very original as it stands now!. Kid get picked on then kills the people that picked on him!. You could work it to be much more in depth than that!. It's very shallow right now!.
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