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Question: My story needs YOUR HELP!!?
Here is the back summery

Depressed with grief over her brothers disapearance, 14 year old
Brittnee Gallagher is sent away to a boarding school!.
Where her life changes forever!.!.!.!.!.!.

PRE-chapter- ps!. not suppost to be formal


It was weird!. Telling this story to a group of third graders, somehow I felt, well excited to be revisiting one of my childhood favorites!. Not Little Red Riding Hood or Cat in the Hat!. No this story was different but a good different!. This story, as unreal as it may sound is a hundred percent, TRUE! What!? How do I know that!? Well I don’t know!.!. How does a person know that if!.!. lets say an girl kicks a guy !.!. How does the girl know that she hurt him!? Well obviously the boy would be on the ground rolling in pain and the girl would be in hysterics!. That’s true right!? Well at least if the girl kicked pretty hard!. Anyways, I know they wouldn’t believe me, sometimes I don’t even believe myself!. You know when you have a dream and it seems so real!. Yeah!.!. Well that’s my life and this is our story…


CHAPTER 1


Light slowly seeped into my light blue and brown bedroom, I sighed deeply!. Last day of school, I should be happy right!? No more tests, or teachers, most of which I didn’t like but none of it mattered to me!. I was too observed in my own little dream world!. In fact so much that I barely noticed when my golden retriever puppy Chloe decided to rip my favorite pillow open and scatter the evidence all around my room!. I didn’t use to be this way!. People said I was usually happy and excited to learn and help out in the world!. Now I just wanted to stay in my bedroom forever!. Chloe, who now had her whole head in the pillow jerked when my bedroom door peaked open!. There in the door way stood my mother, she smiled weakly and sat on the edge of my bed!. I turned away, filled with anger and distress!. My mother understanding left the room without another word!. I was sorry I treated her that way, but I couldn’t control my feelings now !. My brother, my Sean was taken away from me!. He had talked about running away when we were younger and our father had left to join the military!. I never really thought he would do it!. I never thought he would leave my side!. And when he did, the police were no help!. They didn’t search as thoroughly as they should have!. But who was I to say that the police men hadn’t done their job!. I was just a typical 14 year old little sister who cared to much about her older brother’s well being!. Wandering out of my daydream I noticed Chloe staring in my direction with stuffing in her mouth!. I grimaced that was the one of the only things that made me smile!. After taking away her “toy” which she was very







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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I reckon its awsome but the other person is right you put too much in the same chapter , othr from that its good!(But i reckon you should put a twist to it like the brother was kidnapped or something like that to make it juicy)




SORRY!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.













BUt i have t say this!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.





























TWILIGHT ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I don't think you get to choose whether or not the prologue is formal, and the prologue is too vague!.

And Chapter 1 talks about so many things at once that the reader is just overwhelmed!. Plus, a lot of the stuff in Chapter 1 is ambiguous and unconnected
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