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Question: Do you like this story intro!?
Is this okay for a beginning paragraph or do you think it sounds more like something from the middle of a story!? also if you have any advice (Or want to tell me I'm extremely gifted) please go ahead!. ^!.^
A smile widened across her pale face as she opened the box to what she had been longing for!.That doll!. Sounds silly, does it not!? But beleive me, It was more than just a doll to her!. More like a door opening to many possibilites!. She gently lifted the resin figure from it's current confinement and released it from the cushioning wrap that surrounded him!. "Darling," She started, tears welling up in her eyes!. "It has been much too long!." She traced her fingers down the back of his head and across his small chest!. "Your name will be," She paused a moment!. "Sho!. Your name will be Sho!. And forever you will be with me as no other person could!." The girl sighed in awe and placed the wig on Sho's head!. "Immortality leaves a heavy burden!. It's not all it's cracked up to be!." For a moment she felt drowned in her many memories of people who had come and gone in her life!. "Keep me this promise," She whispered to Sho!. " And stay with me until the ends of forever!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's a very grasping beginning!. It definitely makes me want to read more!.
Your dialogue is good, but when you're narrating, I would avoid talking to the reader!. For example, when you say, "Sounds silly, does it not!? But believe me, it was more than just a doll to her," it's a bit unproffesional!. When you're writing a story, you really need to refrain from talking to the reader!.
Other than that and a few grammar mistakes, you did a good job! Keep at it!. The more you write, the better you'll get!. :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't think it's a strong introduction!. You don't want your reader's to be completely lost before they have a chance to get into your story!. It is good writing, but I wouldn't use this as an intro personally!.
Best wishes!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Don't think it's exactly the type of book I usually read, but it's written very well!.
Good start :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
It grabs me to the point of wondering what will she do with the doll!? there are ads on the internet for lifelike dolls, and I am not going to name them, but that is the first thing that comes to mind!.
Could it be some sort of a vodoo doll!? something used for revenge of some sort!?
the statement "It has been much too long" indicates to me to doll could have a spirit in it , like Chucky!? or the spirit of a previous lover!?
It could prove to be a spirit that will help her discover something, or get some answers!?
Stay with it and good luckWww@QuestionHome@Com
I have to agree it isn't a strong introduction!. It doesn't grab me at all!.
For a good opening to a story, you have to grab the reader in the very first sentence!. Find something that'll make you go 'wow, I wonder what this is about!?' and it just doesn't do that!.
also, I'd have to say some of it comes across as quite awkward and a bit rambling!. Writing should be concise; never say in several sentences what you can say better in one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com