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Question: This is a short story of mine!. Tell me what you think!.
The Visit
It was a hot summer morning!. I awaken to the smell of sweet syrupy pancakes,waffles,grits,bacon,eggs,and sausage!. I inhaled all the delicious smells and knew right then that it was going to be a good day!. Daisy walked entered the room without knocking!. Like she always do!. "Bout time you woke up lazy bones!." She said smiling!. I got up,streched then went into the bathroom!. I was still in awe!. I couldn't believe that I was still here!. Here in this paradise!. I had never been in a house that has bathrooms in them!. Nevertheless having a bathroom in the bedroom!. I was very surpised!. I walked downstairs and met up with Daisy,Aunt Serita,and Uncle Paul!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'm going to eat breakfast now, you made me hungry!. :) Lets see, I'll have pancakes and bacon!. yum yum I think it's great so far!. You should post it on http://www!.chapteread!.com to get some more feedback!. I've been on the site for a while now and I think the people will like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds more like an opening to a story, not the story itself!. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to end where you ended!. I want to know why this is a paradise, who are these people, where did the person come from!? Good luck and keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It does sound like a beggining but i think it is very AWESOME for that kind of a story!. I love the details you put in!. They're so unique and i want more!!!!! LOL! It is very awesome and unique!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds very good, hope you finish it so i can read the whole thing :0Www@QuestionHome@Com
i liked it some people will read this and it will trigger memory's Www@QuestionHome@Com
OH MY GOSH I WANT TO READ MORE! IT WAS GREAT!!!! KEEP GOING!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com