the characters with names that the first person thinks about are her brother and sisters!. does this scene have too many adjectives too!? I don't think I edited this scene yet!. What can I improve!? all answers will be appreciated!.
It was around five days since Van’s accident!. We went to the old hospital for about two to three hours a day in the afternoons!. Van was healing fast and she was allowed to move around a bit!. Today, after so long, we were going shopping for food at the grocery store nearest to us!.
Sam, Eric and I were getting all of the foods while Sarah wandered in the over-sized toy section, looking for the perfect birthday present for Eric!. His birthday was in about two weeks, but since we didn’t know when our next return would be, it was better to get the present now!.
I picked up the tightly- packed breads and walked over to Sam!. “Do you want white or wheat!? We have some wheat at home so let’s get white,” I concluded without her help!.
“Okay, that’s everything!. Let’s go help Sarah!.” The cart was a bit more than half full which was good enough to last for about three weeks!. None of us were addicted to eating a lot of food!. All of us were actually very skinny and rather tall for our ages!.
Sarah found nothing that she thought Eric would like, so we all started searching together!.
“I’m going to the board games aisle!. Stay together!. Call me back if you guys find something!.” I turned and pushed the cart forward towards the destination!.
Nothing gained my interest as I walked up and down the bright aisle, occasionally reading a short summary about a game!.
After five minutes, Monopoly and Uno were my final choices!. I set them down in the cart carefully and then pulled the cart out of the aisle so I could walk on the outside and find the others faster!.
Abruptly, I stopped!. My back stiffened!. My arm hairs rose!. Through my peripheral vision, I saw something move behind me!. It had been a quick movement!. Slightly turning my head, I inspected my surroundings!. Nothing looked out of the ordinary!.
Calmly, I walked on, careful and cautious!. A shoe squeaked behind me!. I flashed around!. A clip of black faded behind a shelf!.
I pushed the cart out of my way into another row!.
I walked faster, my hands now swinging at my sides!. The squeaking began again!. I quickened into a jog!. The squeaky shoes mirrored me!. Faster and faster, my heart raced uncontrollably!. I desperately looked into the rows for the others!.
The follower sensed my newly formed plan and lurched forward to keep up!. I ran to the cash registers where the people crowded around in what were supposed to be lines!. An oversized woman walked into the colorful crowd!. I followed!. The pursuer’s squeaks stopped in the outskirts!. I dived in further, seeking protection for a couple of seconds!. An angry voice rang out behind me, but I ignored it!. I had a bigger problem on my hands!.
No way revealed itself to get to the kids safely, so I took my outdated, red flip phone and speed dialed Sarah!. She answered right away, worried about my disappearance!.
“Sarah, there’s a man following me!. Get to the van and be ready to leave the second I get there!. If someone is following you, run like heck!.” I wasn’t totally worried about if someone was chasing them on foot because our tallness was due to long legs!. Long legs equals really fast runners!.
She sucked in air sharply!. “Are you okay!? Why is he following you!?
“I don’t know!. Get to the car now and stay safe!. I’ll be there in a minute,” I ordered in a low, strained voice!. Snapping the phone shut, I readied myself for escape from the mob of customers!. My feet started moving under me as the front doors came in view!. Distant squeaks sounded again behind!. I quickened my pace!. The clear automatic glass doors slid apart for me in time!.
My eyes skimmed the crowded parking lot for the silver minivan!. It was to the far left of me, near the trucks that were unloading supplies!. Good, I thought, at least there are witnesses around in case I’m not fast enough to get to the van!. My brown hair blazed behind me, as I raced forward, full speed and out of breath!.
Mr!. Stalker copied my actions and shouted, “Wait! We need to talk!. This is important!” An automatic chill of terror ran up my spine and froze my brain as his voice seeped in!. It reminded me vaguely of someone’s face that I couldn’t point out; sweeter than most voices— the kind that made you feel like a little child who was being lured in for some dangerous candy!.
I wasn’t going to be that little kid!. My will power conquered me and I surged on!. The van was suddenly so close!. I pulled out the jumble of keys and unlocked the car with the push of a button!. Sam showed up from behind it!.
I mouthed the words, “Get in!.” not able to find my voice!.
They slid in and closed the door as I got close enough to pull the driver’s door open!. The stalker gasped, knowing he was too late!. I jumped and ignited the engine!.
We pulled around to head for the exit of the parking lot while the stalker’s eyes watched us hopelessly!. I turned my head to memorize his face so I could report him to the police!.
I pressed the brakes hard and the van lurched to a stop!. The kids hurled forward in their seats, but I didn’t pay attention!. My chin dropped as I focused in on the face!.
He realized my shock and smiled, slowly walking toward us!.
Eric grasped my stiff shoulder and shook it hard!. “Emma, drive before he gets us!”
“Oh yeah!. Sorry,” I murmured, looking back at the worn road!. We left the vicinity as fast as possible!.
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