What do you think about this as apart of a story....?

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Question:

I'm not trying to publish this or anything!. I'm just using something I know someone won't take!. what do you think!?

Joe is walking on the beach, taking in the fresh air and getting away from the huge crowd of fans!. The Jonas family hassbeen inin Escapade, Florida for two weeks when they got a call from their manager that they would be staying there for another month!. Joe hasn't called Xaria!.
'Mom's gonna be pissed that I went off!. well there's no point in going back now she's already pissed!.!.!.!.!.!.' Joe sees Xaria on the beach with another girl!. The other girl is recording Xaria on her phone!. Xaria's laying in the sand pretending to be a model!.!.!.!.just playing around!. She gets on her stomach and looks up at the cell phone "This ifiercece!.!.!.!." she says growling and looking angry at the camera!. Her friend is cracking up!. The wave comes in and hits Xaria, making her roll over!. She and her friend are laughinhystericallyly when a guy comes along!. "Adrianna!.!.!.come play chicken with us!. we need one more player!" "Go ahead" Xaria responds catching her breath!. Her friend walks off!. ' this is the perfect opportunity' Joe thinks as he walks toward her!.!.!.!.

BE BRUTALLY HONESTWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

You're writing about!.!.!.!.the Jonas brothers!?

For real!?

Are you Xaria!?

-!.- nice lmao!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm guessing that Joe is some sort of actual person or character, due to his "huge crowd of fans"!?

Depends on what you're writing!. If this is just an intro, for just a story to share with others, than sure!. Try to a twist or two, to keep the audience's interest!.

Oh, and make sure to go back over for spelling and grammar; it can quickly kill a story!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Try not to say Joe too much, use he!. To be honest the story was ok!. It didn't fully catch my attention right away!. Check you spelling too!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

How did you even think of this!. I personally i dont know what say because it's weird, odd, and slightly cool
Www@QuestionHome@Com

To be brutally honest!.!.!.

I had no idea what was going on here!. Now this could be because the segment has been taken out of context but it is more likely due to poor description!. This section is badly formatted and contains numerous grammatical errors!. The situation itself could be made much more interesting and suspenseful with the addition of a few details, particularly about how Joe feels and what he is doing while walking on the beach, watching this girl!.

I hope that helps!.Www@QuestionHome@Com