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Question: Is this writing good!?
Is this any good!?


Mae cautiously climbed the stairs to her grandfather’s attic!. She lifted the trapdoor, taking care not to make a single sound!. The attic had always been out of bounds for Peter Brown’s grandchildren!. Not one of them had ever been up there since it happened, but Mae, being the curious person she was, wanted to find out exactly why they weren’t allowed up there!. She had a feeling she knew why…

Mae’s grandmother had been a wonderful person, vibrant and full of life!. She had loved writing, and the attic had been her place, the place where she created those magical worlds from words!. But one day it stopped!. Mae’s grandmother had just vanished one afternoon, completely disappeared!. The last place she had been seen was the attic, finishing off one of her stories!. Since then the attic had been out of bounds, no one went up there, not even Peter himself!. Everyone thought he had never gone up there because it was too hard, he grieved for his wife, but Mae had a more imaginative mind, and wondered what was hidden amongst those dusty boxes!.

Mae was now in the attic!. It was years since she had been there, everything looked the same!. The desk where grandma used to write, the old chair where Mae and her sister used to sit on sunny afternoons, looking at old photo albums and reading books, and the purple curtains were there too, if a bit faded from the sunlight!. The only thing missing was Mae’s grandmother, Jo, and the pen she used to write with!. The wind that came whistling through the only window, flapping the purple curtains, just intensified the silence of the whole place!. It was so strange, not seeing her grandmother up here!. The attic smelt musty and old, the scent of her grandmother’s perfume long gone!.

Mae walked forward and began searching through the masses of boxes and books, trying to find something interesting, a clue to where her grandmother was, anything!. But all she found were old photos, pens and lots and lots of paper!.

All of a sudden the trapdoor slammed behind her!. Mae whirled around to find her grandfather standing there!.
“What are you doing!?” he demanded!. “You know this is out of bounds!.”
“I was just wondering…” Mae started!.
“NO! I don’t want it to happen to you too!” Peter yelled!.
“What!? Nothing can happen!. It’s just a dusty old attic,” Mae said!.
“Oh, of course,” Peter said softly!.
“But what do you mean, you don’t want it to happen to me!? Grandma didn’t just disappear, did she!?” Mae questioned!.
“No, of course not!. I think she might have…someone might have…taken her,” Peter said!.
“What, you mean like a person!?” Mae said, confused!.
“No!. Something from her stories!. All the stuff she wrote was fantasy, all those creatures…what if they came to life!?” Peter said!.
“But they couldn’t, could they!? That’s impossible!” Mae exclaimed!.
“Jo wrote so well!. I don’t think anything in her stories was impossible,” Peter said, sitting down on the chair!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
heyy^^ not bad!

your spelling is good and your grammar too!

however, I think you might need to move a bit away from the standard sentence structures and write with a little bit more hmm, sophistication!? (not trying to say anything bad whatsoever :) )

Like for example, instead of saying like " Mae cautiously climbed the stairs" you say " Cautiously climbing the stairs, tensing on each step that emitted a creak, Mae lifted the trapdoor!.!.!.!." etc!. Variate your sentence structure! so that your first four paragraphs won't start with Mae this Mae that!.

put in some descriptors of her behaviour / actions that might link to her current state of mind too! , not just describing what she sees!

but overall, cool plot and great english! XDD *wants to read more* :)

good job! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

your writing has a "novel" quality to it!. I think it's good, needs some more editing!. I think it's also understandable that there's not much action since this is an excerpt!. it sounds like it's gonna turn out to be an interesting story - write on!Www@QuestionHome@Com

well!. It's a good start though it's rushed!.!.!.You should cheakout Bookise you get better advice from writters like you and it's free!. :) Though very nice I wish my grammar was as good as yours!. If you do!.!.!.My username is the same, let me know if you like it!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like it but i think you rushed into the whole grandfather explaing why his wife was missing thing so maybe she should have to keep sneaking up their at night to find out more or sumthing i dnt no but your grammar is good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The dialogue isn't very exciting - it seems a bit forced!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Never say "it's not very good," or "It's just a start!." That sort of comment is seen as false modesty!. You asked for opinions so allow the reader to decide how good it is!.

Don't tell us what sort of person she is 'being the curious person she was', show us!. No one had been there yet she went, which tells us she is curious and maybe brave too!. Same comment applies to the G'ma!. 'Mae’s grandmother had been a wonderful person!.!.!. completely disappeared'!. You character should reveal these facts, they shouldn't be handed to the reader in the way you have!.

The conversation needs work!. One moment he is shouting, the next he is responding softly!. Doesn't happen like that!. 'someone might have…taken her,” Peter said' also doesn't ring true!. The police would have investigated and determined cause of death/disappearance!.

It's a fictional story but there has to be enough reality there for readers to suspend their disbelief!.Www@QuestionHome@Com