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Question: My book is this a good start!?
They pulled up to the party, Renee was extremely nervous, something was different about this party!. Not just because of the people entering the party,but her rules!.Renee's brother Skott and Andrew had five rules to going to any party;
1!.)Never leave your city/town, they live in Lorain and are now in Cleavland!.
2!.)If under eighteen don't drink,
3!.)Don't go have sex with anyone you just met,
4!.)Don't go without her brothers,
5!.)Follow all the rules!.
Well one rule would be followed that night, she went with her brothers!. Everyone got out of the black SUV except her, she wanted to people watch first,scope out her plan of attack!."You coming!?" Her brother Andrew asked through th window as he got out!.
"In a minute!." Renee said as her phone began to vibrate!.
The majority of people who went in were white guys with closely cropped hair!. Renee knew she should know something about these people but couldn't put her finger on it!. Should not have had the beer earlier she thought!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
In the first paragraph, I don't know if it's just me or not, but it seems like you're using the word "party" way too often!. You should try re-stating some of those sentences by removing the word party from most of them!. I also don't clearly get what the main point is, so you should try stating that in the beginning!. Other than that, it's not too bad! Hope this helped!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is very good, but one thing I do recommend is to alter your topic sentence a little, mainly to grab the readers attention!. There are a lot of interesting details!. One thing I would do but I am not sure about is to explain the characters a little better, and explain less about the characters surroundings!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
For your age, I'd say it's pretty good!. Keep working on it!. Just try not to say party too much and you'll be fine!.
Answer mine please, if you like = )
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yeah its really good! they're just a few grammar mistakes! (as in it should be brothers instead of brother etc) but very good overall!Www@QuestionHome@Com