Question: The sweet scent of blood!.!?
This is my first time writing a Novel, so it might not be perfect!. Tell me how it is!. I grammar checked it, so if I missed anything, tell me please!?
Chapter 1: Nightmares
I was lying in my bed thinking about so many things, I couldn’t get to sleep!. I just keep on staring at the ceiling, wishing that sleep would come and take me… To let me dream a dream that would never end!. So I wouldn’t have to face the real world!. If you were I, you would understand my pain!. It felt like no one wanted any thing to do with me anymore…even my parents!. I looked over at the clock…
“1:35!.!.!.Damn I really need to go to sleep!.” I moved around trying to get comfortable!. I stared at the ceiling again, and my eyes were growing heavy!. “Finally!.!.!.thank god!.” I said and fell asleep…!. I found myself in a room…a big white room!. It was so bright, that my eyes started to bother me!. So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm myself, and let it slowly out…
“Hello,” My voice echoed of the walls and traveled back to me!. I shivered!. The room was freezing cold!. I could see my breath in big white clouds!. I looked around and saw a big window looking in a room of some sort!. “Hello,” I shouted, “Is anyone out there!” I walked over to the glass and knocked on it!. The room was an operating room!. I saw people bending over the operating table talking in such a low voice that I could barely understand them!.
“What ____ you ___ we do!?” A woman asked curiously!.
“Make her ___ of us!.” The man said at the front of the table!. I tried to understand what they were talking about, but couldn’t!. I was so confused!. Where was I, and who were this people!.
“No,” Someone shouted, “We can’t do that!. Griffin, you remember what happened last time, don’t you!?” He asked furiously!. The Man I guessed as Griffin nodded his head sadly!.
“In deed I do Thomas, in deed I do,” He said and sighed!. “But it is something we must do!.” People around the operating table moved away from him!. He removed the cloth that was covering the girls face!. What I saw was me!. I was staring at myself lying on an operating table, unable to speak!. He lowered his head to my neck, and I felt a sharp pain in my neck!. I grabbed my neck and fell to my knees, crying out in pain I crawled to the center of the room, in such pain that it was almost unbearable!. That was when I noticed it!. The walls…they had turned, red!. I looked to the widow and saw eye’s black as coal looking down at me!. I felt myself slipping into darkness!. I could hear myself whispering for help!. But none would come!. I awake screaming and covered in sweat!. I wiped away the sweat and noticed my hands were shaking!. I looked at my shaking hands and started to cry!. Then I cried myself to sleep, and this time, I didn’t dream!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I was lying in my bed thinking about so many things, I couldn’t get to sleep!. I just kept staring at the ceiling, wishing that sleep would come and take me… To let me dream a dream that would never end, so I wouldn’t have to face the real world!. If you were I, you would understand my pain!. It felt like no one wanted any thing to do with me anymore…even my parents!. I looked over at the clock…
“1:35!.!.!.Damn, I really need to go to sleep!.” I moved (I suggest you use another word instead of "moved") around, trying to get comfortable!. I started to stare at the ceiling again, my eyes were growing heavy!. “Finally, thank god!.” I said and fell asleep!. I found myself in a room…a big white room!. It was so bright, that my eyes started to bother me!. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm myself, and let it slowly out…
“Hello,” My voice echoed of the walls and traveled back to me!. I shivered!. The room was freezing cold!. I could see my breath in the big white clouds in front of me!. I looked around and saw a big window looking in a room of some sort!. “Hello,” I shouted, “Is anyone out there!” I walked over to the glass and knocked on it!. The room was an operating room!. I saw people bending over the operating table talking in such a low voice that I could barely understand them!.
“What ____ you ___ we do!?” A woman asked curiously!.
“Make her ___ of us!.” The man said at the front of the table!. I tried to understand what they were talking about, but couldn’t!. I was so confused!. Where was I, and who were these people!?
“No!,” someone shouted, “We can’t do that!. Griffin, you remember what happened last time, don’t you!?” He said, furiously!. "The Man", I guessed, as Griffin nodded his head sadly!.
“Indeed I do, Thomas, indeed I do,” He said, and sighed!. “But it is something we must do!.” People around the operating table moved away from him!. He removed the cloth that was covering the girls face!. What I saw, was me!. I was staring at myself lying on an operating table, unable to speak!. He lowered his head to my neck, and I felt a sharp pain in my neck, the one he bit!. I grabbed my neck and fell to my knees, crying out in pain as I crawled to the center of the room, in such pain that it was almost unbearable!. That was when I noticed it!. The walls…they had turned, red!. I looked to the widow and saw eye’s black as coal looking down at me!. I felt myself slipping into darkness!. I could hear myself whispering for help!. But none would come!. I awake screaming and covered in sweat!. I wiped away the sweat and noticed my hands were shaking!. I looked at my shaking hands and started to cry!. Then I cried myself to sleep, and this time, I didn’t dream!.
There ya go! The story I posted is yours, but edited I LOVE this story! You are truly gifted! I seriously think you should keep writing this!. When you do, email me any time to give me a report!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well it certainly makes me want to read more!. There are some small punctuation errors buts other than that its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Super good!.!.!.
but vampires agian!?
really!? lolWww@QuestionHome@Com
Wow, scary, but really good (: I could picture the story in my head the whole time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
good job! i like it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
this is really good!. bravo!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is a great passage, especially for a novice writer!. It's clear that you have a particular vision in mind, viz!. mood, story, setting, towards the end you even started to develop your voice!. These are not easy things to do, and it is clear that you have talent!.
You should definitely continue writing!.
You should try varying your sentence structure more often, and avoid using the "!.!.!." construction, but overall, again, a very good piece of writing for a young author!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it sounds pretty good, did you get the idea reading the twilight books!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com