Position:Home>Books & Authors> OK I've gotten to much criticism for my work...so can you people help me wit

Okay, you are telling a lot, and not showing or leaving stuff for the reader to find out later!. I pace is too fast! I thought it was going to stay on the dragon and her brood for a while, then two sentences later the father comes in!. Okay, I was thinking they were going to talk about their babies, maybe one of those "We can't have two green ones" or "Do you have the chosen one ready to give to the elves!?" type of thing!. Then after what seems like a proud, pleasant moment, the father says the elves are coming!. Everything was passing by so quickly!

I suggest adding a bit more to the plot!. I am thinking something special (or plain) about the white egg!? Besides grammar, syntax, and story issues, I guess it is okay!. I would expect more from a 14 year old though!. I have seem some great work, even if they weren't taught a lot in english class!. It seems like these days they don't teach grammar/syntax/diction anymore!. It is all about reading, though there is nothing wrong with reading, and reports!. Those are both wonderful skills, though somethings can only be taught in writing other than research papers!.

Good luck and a keep on writing!. I suggest planning out your plot!


Criticism is a part of life!. No writer has gone about their work without someone telling them what they do wrong/what they can fix!. It is supposed to help you!. If you are depressed about it, then don't post your work here!. WORK ON IT! No one here is going to tell you it is perfect and keep working on it and publish it right away because you are amazing! There are experienced writers on here who are going to give you the advice you asked for!. Personally, I cannot edit this for you because it has so many syntax errors and plot errors and planning errors that only the writer can fix it! I cannot tell you what to write! You need to do it yourself and gain that experience on your own!

EDIT: I'm still not crazy about the rewrite!. I'll see what I can do with it, and show you how I'd write it!. I believe in this situation, you need to read something similar to what you have and see how much feeling goes into!. Once I am finished (ha, I am procrastinating on my own novel!.!.!.I have never written about dragons before, so please excuse me) I'll post it on here!.

EDIT EDIT: Okay, so I do not write about dragons and especially not in their point of view!. I wasn't sure what you wanted, so my creativity was on a leash here!. Please do not spurn me for this, ha!


Glacius curled her giant body as gently as she could around her clutch, each barely the size of her hind foot!. With a sigh, she wrapped her violet tail around the edge of the nest so that the tip reached her snout!. Soon it would be time for the eggs to hatch!. She had waited over three months for that moment, carefully watching over her brood and constantly hovering over the eggs!. A dragon mother had to be devoted to her young, so much so that they could not even leave the cave for food!. Glacius longed to stretch her wings, to warm herself in the golden sunshine like she had when spring was ending and summer was starting!. Now the season was about to change once more!.
“Almost time, my little ones,” she whispered, nuzzling each of the eggs!. For a moment, she studied each of their unique features!. The one closest to her was ebony, the symbol of power!. Next to it were two eggs appearing as if they were perfectly carved emeralds!. The two shook, bumping into one another, the symbol of a feud!. A white and a gold were nestled to the far side of the nest, symbols of glory and war to come!. Her children’s fates were sealed even before they had seen the world for the first time!.
Tears began to trickle down her cheek as she sang to her eggs, remembering the tune her mother had sang before she was hatched!.
“Listen my dears
To this song I do sing
Of great power
That you one day may seek
Jealousy makes a dragon weak,
Never fear your brothers or your head they will eat!.!.!.!.” She was abruptly interrupted in her song by a large figure landing at the edge of the cave!. Tucking in his great wings, Dragonheart approached his mate, his breathing heavy and labored!. Spears were anchored to his side, blood streaming down the sides of his large scales!.
“Dearest,” he panted, wincing in pain as he took in a deep breath, “Blood Elves on their way!. Hurry! Flee with the children!. I hold them off!."
“I cannot leave you! If I do, you will surely die! It’s suicide!”
“Glacius, the safety of you and the eggs mean more to me than my own life!. I’d rather die honorably trying to defend myself, rather than trying to escape!. Now go! They are gaining ground quickly!” Dragonheart rammed Glacius off her nest, urging her!. Through tears, she scooped up three eggs in her mouth and grasped the last two in her rear talons!. As she left the cave, she could hear Dragonheart’s battle cry, ringing across the canyon!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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I don't no why ppl criticise u!.!.!.!.ur work is quite good!. But this is definetly not the right way to go, you should first ensure tht nobody can copy ur work!.!.!.!.nway as i said earlier, it's wuite good!. Don't give up hope and i would definetly like to read more of ur work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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There are a few things that I notice immediately, and I don't want to depress you any further!. This is strictly constructive!. This is what I would write!.!.!.

Glacius gently curled around her five eggs, each at least as big as her backfoot!. She looked at their colors; Black, white, green, and gold!. Dragonheart stepped into the cave!. He smelled the eggs and looked at her, rather proud of the brood that they had produced!. Glacius's heart skipped a beat, filled with pure elation!. Suddenly, much to her dismay, she smelled elves!. These were not just normal elves; no, they were most certainly blood elves, which are known to be sworn enemy of dragons, hunting their kind and capturing eggs that they'd eventually sell at market!. It took seven blood elves to take down one dragon!.
Dragonheart went to the mouth of the cave and spread his great red wings!. "You must flee, dearest!. Take the eggs and flee to my birthplace!." Dragonheart said!. She scooped up three of the eggs in her mouth and put the last two in her rear talons!. She took off through the great hole in the cave flying into the moonlight!. The white egg glowed bright in the moonlight as she flew under the cover of night!.


These are just suggestions; please feel free to use them as you wish!. Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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