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Position:Home>Books & Authors> Can i have your opinions on this?Question: Can i have your opinions on this!? I have only finished the first 2 chapters of this!. Its called Into the!.!.!.!.
I am also working on making some new ones like Silent cry and Raining Love!. Lol i make up some weird titles!. Please leave me an honest opinion!. http://blog!.myspace!.com/index!.cfm!?fuseac!.!.!. P!.S!. Only 13!. Got grammar problems!. Heard it before!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Alright, here's my honest opinion: (I'm quite blunt in this criticism, but it's just mean to help!. You seem to have quite a bit of creativity and I'm sure you'll be a great writer!. You're already very good for your age!.) 1!. The opening scene is quite bland!. When you start a novel, you ALWAYS need a hook!. In other words, you need to entice readers to continue reading!. As is, it just doesn't do it for me!. 2!. Add description and fitting dialogue to make these three characters come to life!. They are the main characters (I presume) and the lifeblood of the story!. In this draft, they all seemed like forced, generic characters instead of living, breathing people!. They've just been through the death of both of their parents!. They're going to be a little messed up, if you know what I mean!. Add evidence of their emotional scarring!. They just don't fit right now!. 3!. The dialogue and interaction between Trevor and the old woman is implausible!. Elderly women don't typically have the greatest memories, and I thought her knowing EXACTLY what the kid was wearing and what happened was a bit unbelievable!. It was funny when she sprayed him in the face with pepper spray, but you need to make it happen more sudden!. The way it reads now, it seems like she just sits there watching him pick up her groceries and put them back in her bag and then pepper sprays him for kicks!. 4!. Check this thing for realism!. Ironically, one of the first rules of fiction is that it has to be plausible!. There's just too many implausible coincidences (the girl's still wearing the button in her hair) for me to properly enjoy this one!. 5!. Pick a tone, and stick with it!. It seems like you're caught between making this dark-toned and light-toned!. I'd go with dark, but it doesn't REALLY matter which you pick!. Just stay consistent throughout!. You've got cursing and gang-related murders, and then you've got Joey, a surprisingly badass ten year-old who sticks firecrackers down peoples' pants and throws soda cans at cars!. Readers hate that sort of inconsistency: either stop trying to keep it light, or make it less dark throughout!. Personally, I'd give you kudos if you made it grittier, because that would be far more fitting to the story!. Drop the corniness!. 6!. Pock gang!? Could we have a more intimidating name for a ruthless murdering/raping gang!? 7!. I don't think the girl would come stay with him!. Or, you need to think of a good reason why!. It just doesn't quite!.!.!.make sense!. They're both total strangers, right!? Sorry for the bluntness!. To sum up, your main overarching problems are inconsistency in tone, lack of characterization, and implausible occurrences/coincidences!. You can work these out now!. Don't feel discouraged!. You can make this work!. The basic premise is good, it just needs some fine tuning!. I hope you found this helpful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com That is really good, and interesting, and I actually read the whole thing!. I will start off with some constructive criticism and say that when the old lady is talking, you git a bit too detailed with the stuff like clothes, and the details were too defined for a third person account of the story!. also, I got a bit confused when mezzo was introduced because I, at first though Mezzo was Trevorm and that they were just getting the two confused!. also, was it one of the cops that got the firework in his pants, or a stranger, I was just wondering because I didn't know that cops got a reward for catching wanted people, but then again they probobly do get a raise or something, so it doesn't really matter!. Other than that, I thought it was really good, sure there were grammer problems, but shoot, everyone makes mistakes who cares!. After reading that I am shocked that you are 13, because there are 15 and 16 year olds in my class that couldn't write as good as that!. Wow! I am pretty amazed!. Let me know if that ever gets published, because now I want to know the rest of the story! The title is a little weird by the way, but I like it, because it leaves it so open ended!. P!.S!., always be careful when puting your work online, I know I made a similar mistake on Yahoo answers I posted part of my writing, and now I am scarred that someone might like take my work and use it as their own, and I would hate for someting like that to happen to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com This is pretty amazing! And, do not let you age stop you from writing whatever you do!. If you didnt put your age down on this i wouldnt have thought a 13 year old wrote this! lmao! There goes me!.!.!. I'm 13 as well and i love writing! I have finished!.!.!. like twelve chapters in my story/novel thing lmao! Could you check out my question!? Please :D http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Ohmigod!. I love your titles! They're amazing, I don't have any suggestions, but I wanna say!.!.!.!.Good Luck!!! Your titles are so!.!.!. romantic and AHHHH!. I love you!. (Like, I dont wanna marry you, but I hope maybe some day you'll get published) =] YAY!Www@QuestionHome@Com Try posting on this forum!. You can get full critiques: http://authorsnotes!.info/forum/index!.phpWww@QuestionHome@Com Ya that it good, especially for your age!. It is cool that you like to write so much!Www@QuestionHome@Com GOOD KEEP GOING AND DNT LET GRAMMER OR AGE STOP YOU!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!! :]Www@QuestionHome@Com |