Position:Home>Books & Authors> Would you please help me with my story?

This is, unlike the other guys who commented on your story, my first time reading it!. And i can tell you, from reading the first line, i actually found myself reading more!. it was very good, and aside from the fact that it is only your first chapter, i know that i would like to read more!. (But beware of posting your work online; people can steal it faster than you can say Christian) I'm glad your question wasn't knocked off, so i'll give you the best advice i can!.
First off, i like your description!. It wasn't too much, and your paragraph structure waas great - it seemed you weren't afraid of making long paragraphs, and that's a plus in my book!. It was very moving the way you described the girl, and unless you directly know someone with cancer themselves, you were excellent at telling their feelings!. i felt for her!.
Dialouge was suberb, (and just so you don't think i'm sucking up, let me tell you i know a thing or two about writing it - my book is already 600 odd pages long and not finished yet) and for once i didn't read choppy, bland, gray dialouge; it sounded like something people say on a regular basis when they talk!. that is key to writing it well!. kudos to you!.
But i want you to know that it is always good to stay away from cliches, and archetypes - if you can, create your own!. i didn't see many here but its always good to pass it on!.
Write through writer's block!. Trust me you'll be glad you did!.
But that's pretty much it seing as how your story, in my eyes, is flawless (except for the long stretch of dialouge - try to stay away from that)!.
Good, good job, and never stop writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Good Story, it would be easier for me to give it a crit over at chapteread!.com because they have awesome features!. It's a free writing site!.!.!. they have

a private writing area to save your writings!. pen names, when you post your work you can choose who you want to read it [ friends only, fans only, or everyone!.] when you receive feedback on your stories you can save the helpful ones and they'll go into your private writing area!. It's helpful for when you go back to writing!. good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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was my answer not good enough before

*WINK*WINK*

(hey check ur email)

Like i said earluer, those things i said were in the last answer should help u a lot!.!.!.

I really love your story though




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check ur emailWww@QuestionHome@Com

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You already asked this questionWww@QuestionHome@Com

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Most people that share their stories on Y!A don't really want or like constructive criticism, but since you asked, here you go:

I found it terribly boring and uneventful!. To me, it was like spinning my wheels in the sand waiting to get out of the "muck"!. That may sound mean, but that's how I honestly felt!. Your story should also be believable!. I don't know much about lung cancer but I do know it's not that common in young people!. I'm not saying someone 18 years of age can't get it, it's just highly unlikely ( i!.e!. an outside factor would contribute to her getting lung cancer) and therefore not that believable, especially since her case is so advanced!. All in all, there was a lot of stuff going on in the beginning, just not a lot of interesting stuff!.

Not really my genre of books but I think you can cut a lot out that wouldn't weigh the story down so much!. On the positive side, you're actually writing a book and that should be applauded!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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