Please read and comment 10pts to best comment!?

Question: Please read and comment 10pts to best comment!!?

i was born 354 years ago today to a celt!. Many things have changed since then but i still remain the 23 year old that i was many many years ago!. i found out when i was 10 that there was something different about my parents they didnt seem to age or change!. We had a handmade who took care of everything during the day!. Things like going to the market and taking me to school were among her tasks!. On my 23 birthday my mother handed me a note, that seemed to be from my real mother!. i asked my mother what this had ment and she told me that she was a rare human this is why she and my father couldnt have children!. So they took me in because my real mother was unable to care for me!. at the age of 23 they gave me a choice to live and grow old or to join them and become what they are !.!.!.!.!.!.

What do you think of the story so far!. i know it needs alot of work but if you read this first would you want to continue reading the story!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

the concept is potentially enthralling, but the actually quality of the writing could use some work!. I suggest choosing a more suspenseful first sentence!. You could show a moment from later in the book and then work to how your character got there!. also, I suggest doing extensive character studying since you are writing in the first person!. Decide what your character likes, dislikes, looks like, how they would react in a given situation, their natural tendincides, idiosyncrasies, etc!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It sounds like a very interesting story!. It actually seems to be more of a common concept in books and films--people living forever, unnatural things like ghosts and vampires!. You should do something to make it stand out a little more!. Definitely edit this little excerpt to make it more readable!. So yes, after this is edited and maybe you stick something in there to make it stand apart from other similar books, I would love to continue reading!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think that it sound a little bit like twilight!. how the people are old and they don't age!. the vampire thing is like they don't go out side, i think that it getting worn out by people trying to hit it biig like stephenie meyer!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's interesting!. There has to be a sense of nostalgia, wanting to be with her real parents, but also a reason to grow old!. You should think of that!. Don't forget to capitalize your "i"!.

BKWww@QuestionHome@Com

i love it!. i was adopted and its a beautiful fairytale!. look forward to reading moreWww@QuestionHome@Com

Interesting ---- if it gets published let me know, I would like to see how the story turns out!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its a little confusing at first, but i would read it, i'm curious!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

careful this is the exact same thing as the book "locked in time" you may want to change it a littleWww@QuestionHome@Com

Amazing story!. I love it it's great i would so read it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is lame, and poorly spelled!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it sound pretty good!.!.!.I'd read it!Www@QuestionHome@Com