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Position:Home>Books & Authors> A Couple Sentences?Question: A Couple Sentences!? "Jack sneezed out a Fairy!. The Fairy sneezed out an elephant!. The Elephant sneezed out a dust bunny!. The Dust Bunny sneezed out Armageddon, Hell on Earth, death, decay and everything unholy!."
This is the opening of my new children's story: Jack and the Apocalyptic Dust Bunny!. How do the sentences read to you!? Are they okay grammatically!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Sounds great to me!. If I had kids, this would be the first book they read!. I'm sure this would get them to clean their rooms!.!.!.The moral of the story: If you don't clean your room, you'll sneeze out a fairy, she'll sneeze out an elephant, the elephant will sneeze out a pesky little dust bunny, and then!.!.!.you die!. You've got a bestseller on your hands with that one!. Although, now that I think of it, dust bunnies are rather overused!. I'm pretty sure I just read a book about a girl falling in love with some miraculously perfect dust bunny!. Or was it an elephant she fell in love with!? Or both!? Ah, I can't remember!.!.!. Once again, thanks for the laugh, Vet! Best wishes!Www@QuestionHome@Com You've got another winner, with a nice moral! It's fine grammatically!. I'd suggest, however, that you use uniform capitalization, "the" instead of "a" or "an" in front of the mention of each creature and a colon after Armageddon instead of another comma!. "Jack sneezed out the Fairy!. The Fairy sneezed out the Elephant!. The Elephant sneezed out the Dust Bunny!. The Dust Bunny sneezed out Armageddon: hell on earth, death, decay and everything unholy!." On the other hand, I may be completely wrong!. You never know how children will respond: they will either get caught up in the story or find it too preachy!. Parents will love it with no qualifications!. Do you have something like TheVet's Greatest Hits in the works!? Throw in your vampire story (requisite today), and you'll have a winner!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It doesn't seem like a real story!. I'm not trying to be mean, but it sounds almost comical!. Although, I guess because it's a book for children, it's okay!. Grammatically, it is fine!. BKWww@QuestionHome@Com Its not something i think people would want to buy for their children!.!.Its kind of weird!.!.!.Please dont take ofence!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |