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Position:Home>Books & Authors> First Sentences?Question: First Sentences!? Tell me a first sentence that would make you keep reading!. It doesn't have to be something you actually read--it can be something you came up with that would keep you reading!.
This is my first sentence: Standing on the balls of my feet, leaning slightly forward and my eyes trained on the punching bag, sweat leisurely rolled down the arch of my nose!. I don't find it interesting!. What do you think!? I'm vacillating whether I should keep it or change it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: "Why does your father do this to you!?" That's the hook for my novel!. I think you should change the hook!. It sounds really awkward because it's like you don't get to the point fast enough!. You describe his body stance, only to tell us that sweat leisurely rolled down his face, which sort of punched me in the gut, and told me, "I lied to the readers and the drama ain't coming until later!." But yeah, your gut instinct tells you it's not interesting, and your gut instinct would be right!. It'd be more interesting if you got rid of the sweat leisurely rolled down my face, and threw in an action phrase!. It's your story of course, so you know what's best!. Just go with what you feel's right!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I think that those three dependent clauses definitely detract from what the sentence as a whole is trying to do!. In fact, I had to read the sentence several times before I realized that the main clause was "Sweat rolled!." I take pride in being concise and articulate and this just isn't it!. also, the fact that you didn't quite keep the parallelism going in the three dependent clauses also takes away quality from the sentence!. You start off strong: StandING on the balls of my feet, leanING slightly forward, (the following would sound smoother) and trainING my eyes on the punching bag!.!.!. I don't presume to call myself a writer but I can appreciate what is good writing!. Perhaps my views of what the perfect first sentence should be are lofty!. No one can top: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife!."Www@QuestionHome@Com I like that it starts in the middle of the action, but I personally find much shorter sentences more interesting - perhaps you could start it something like: Breathe breathe breathe breath A command!. A battle cry!. A call to arms!. Standing on the balls of my feet, leaning slightly forward and my eyes trained on the punching bag, sweat leisurely rolled down the arch of my nose!. I dont know if that even works for your story but the format is a bit more interesting hope that helped!Www@QuestionHome@Com The old man put the ancient pipe to his lips and breathed in slowly, he allowed the acrid smoke fill his mouth, throat, lungs and brain!. change "and my eyes" to "with my eyes" other than that it's a good hookWww@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. I love descriptive first sentences!. I'd only eliminate the word 'leisurely'!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I love that as a first sentence!. I don't think that the first sentence should be over-thought!. It sounds like a good book to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com we have to stop them before the story leaks out!. I'm crazy!. let me tell you the truth!. {these were just some random ones off the top of my head}Www@QuestionHome@Com |