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Position:Home>Books & Authors> Some constructive criticism on my first chapter?Question: Some constructive criticism on my first chapter!? I'd really appreciate some constructive criticism on my first chapter - not just 'oh, that's great!' or 'ew, that's awful', but anything you think I could improve on would be extremely helpful!. Characters, narration, setup, anything!.
It is the first chapter, and I am looking at it from a 'hook' and setup standpoint, so please be honest! http://amidora!.insanejournal!.com/535!.htm!.!.!. Thank you in advance!Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I believe I already answered this, but then you deleted the question!. I thought it was really well written and you just needed to work on a few things that I mentioned then!. (Don't really remember them now)!. You have a wonderful hook!. I think you should write the rest of the story before asking for critiques!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I really like-except for it seems very similar to Twilight!. You probably have a very different book-but if you have vampires, then it probably won't work out, sorry!. On the other hand, if you add a little more detail, so we get more ideas about the setting, and characters mostly, then I think it'll work out nicely!. And-it seems to me like Kate doesn't really care about getting her mother where she wants to be, or even too much about her mother, more like she was forced to do this!. If that's how you want your character to be, then awesome, but otherwise you might want to add some more niceness and care from Kate for her mother!. And-if she doesn't like her courses, why'd she pick them!? Unless it's for the future or something!.!.!. good-luck with it!!*-*Www@QuestionHome@Com "I drove the whole way there!. My mother was too sick to stay awake for very long, let alone drive, and we stopped at nearly every rest stop we passed!. It took two days, with a stop at a nice hotel in Pennsylvania in between!. I went through every CD I owned twice!." This paragraph sounds kind of funny, you might want to reword it a little, maybe say something like "My mother could hardly stay awake for very long periods of time so I had to drive the whole way!. Besides the stop we made at a nice hotel in Pennsylvania, the trip took about two days!. I tried to pass the time by listening to music, I think went through every CD Ive ever owed at least twice!." I LOVE it though, please keep it posted I'm going to visit your journal more often for updates, are you planning on turning this into a novel!? because I would love to read it!. It sonds sooo good, I can't wait until your done! I love the mysterious thing about the house, and I feel so bad for her with her mom and everything!. It sounds really really really good, I'm going to be trying to write a book and it sounds like a good idea to keep a live journal so I may follow your example!. Please keep us all updated about your book!Www@QuestionHome@Com I really liked it! The concept is really great!. I suggest adding a little more description and detail just to give the story some clarity!. Maybe go back a reword some sentences because there were certain parts where I had to go back and reread in order to understand what you meant, but other than that, you're off to a great start!!. I would love to see where you go with the story line!. I think this could end up being a really good story!. Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com You need to seriously sit down and consider re-writing the whole thing!Www@QuestionHome@Com I really liked it! You could probally add a bit more detail but the story line is great! Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com Thats really good!. i really mean it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I Really Like It!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's excellent!. Maybe give us a few more details!?Www@QuestionHome@Com |