I need a short skit or monologue...?

Question:or poem.

I need a short monologue, for just one person, or skit for just one person. It has to be 85 seconds or less. And i would prefer it to be funny. I was looking around for somehting, but have yet to find anything that has caught my attention. I am 17 if that helps at all. And am doing htis as a talent . thanks.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: or poem.

I need a short monologue, for just one person, or skit for just one person. It has to be 85 seconds or less. And i would prefer it to be funny. I was looking around for somehting, but have yet to find anything that has caught my attention. I am 17 if that helps at all. And am doing htis as a talent . thanks.

if you've got plenty of time i really recommend getting a copy of 111 one minute monologues. Its full of short monologues for teens divided into male, female, comedic and dramatic and then arranged in ascending character age so you can find the perfect one for you!

poetic licence?
i wandered lonely,as a cloud
over grassy hills and banks.
i trod upon a fellows bum ,
and a womans voice said thanks.

I always like star spangled girl a play by neil simon. There is a very funny one that you could use. It's longer than 85 seconds but you could cut it down. here is copy of it.

Sophie: Mr.Cornell, Ah have tried to be neighborly, Ah have tried to be friendly and Ah have tried to be cordial...Ah don't know what it is that you're trying to be. That first night Ah was appreciative that you carried mah trunk up the stairs...The fact that it slipped and fell five flights and smashed to pieces was not your fault...Ah didn't even mind the personal message you painted on the stairs. Ah thought it was crazy, but sorta sweet. However, things have now gone too far...Ah cannot accept gifts from a man Ah hardly know...Especially canned goods. And Ah read your little note. Ah can guess the gist of it even though Ah don't speak Italian. This has got to stop, Mr. Cornell. Ah can do very well without you leavin' little chocolate-almond Hershey bars in mah mailbox-they melted yesterday, and now Ah got three gooey letters from home with nuts in 'em-and Ah can do without you sneakin' into mah apartment after Ah go to work and paintin' mah balcony without tellin' me about it. Ah stepped out there yesterday and mah slippers are still glued to the floor. And Ah can do without you tying big bottles of eau de cologne to mah cat's tail. The poor thing kept swishin' it yesterday and nearly beat herself to death...And most of all, Ah can certainly do without you watchin' me get on the bus every day through that high-powered telescope. You got me so nervous the other day, Ah got on the wrong bus. In short, Mr. Cornell. And Ah don't want to have to say this again, leave me ay-lone!!!!

StageAgent's Monologue searcher (http://stageagent.com/Shows/Monologues/) lets you search for monologues by age range and length . For example, you can do a search on StageAgent for Monologues for females with an age range of 13 - 24 that are 1-2 minutes long. Also, besides just showing you the monologue, StageAgent gives you information about the show and the character which is really useful.