Have you ever asked for help in a poem and actually got some?

Question: Have you ever asked for help in a poem and actually got some!?

Poets of Mars, Ask Nancy, helped me with my original draft, posted on Y/A about a month ago!.
I guess you could say, we co-wrote this!.

Balance

Strong men, turn heads
from seven deadly sins!.
Structures crumble,
society tumbles,
Ego-centered disease!.

Balance

Forest fires roll
to unsuspecting places!.
Flames rid maladies!.
Good, bad destroyed
by red embers, now ash
leaving fertile ground

Confusion emerges!.
Fresh stock
with strength, compassion,
humility!.
Balance!.
Ashes to ashes
The phoenix rises!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I noted 2 things here which I felt out of flow!. The first was the sequence of your subtitles, the word(s) before each stanza!. according to the flow of events, a more logical sequence is: Balance, Confusion, Balance!. Deleting "emerging," and the poem would be as the following :

Balance <-- as the beginning, the silence before the storm!.

Strong men, turn heads
from seven deadly sins!.
Structures crumble,
society tumbles,
Ego-centered disease!.

Confusion <--- S1 outcome, setting the stage for S2

Forest fires roll
to unsuspecting places!.
Flames rid maladies!.
Good, bad destroyed
by red embers, now ash
leaving fertile ground!. <---- regaining balance, ready for production!.

Balance

Fresh stock <----- new fresh start
with strength, compassion!.
humility, ashes to ashes

The phoenix rises!.

As for your poem, it is a golden pen : Pen of the people's voice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow i really enjoyed it
you know how they say, 2 heads is better than one, so 3 assures a very good piece of work :D

I find the poem starts out very nicely but just a suggestion (obviously just an opinion) maybe changing "disease" to "flings" - just to show the deterioriation of society - again, just a humble opinion

I love all the other stanzas ESPECIALLY the last one, "ashes to ashes" is a very nice refrence and the phoenix rising brings out some lovely imagery
so well done to all those who wrote this

cool work :DWww@QuestionHome@Com

This Earthbound poet has indeed received some help/suggestions!. They are infinitely valuable, and infinitely appreciated!.

This poem, for some odd reason, makes me think of Tom Wolfe's Masters of the Universe (high-finance stock traders who feel they own the world, and financially do) and how the forest fire has come for them!. Balancing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

To answer your question: Yes, she helped me out, tremendously, on one of mine that I've had since '05!. it's still not done (in my mind), but she helped give it a new voice that I'll be able to listen to for awhile!.

As for your poem, balanced it is!. The line breaks are kick @$$!. (And I'm a strong believer in all that yin and yang stuff myself!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I have been scolded harshly for using ashes to ashes!.!. but I do think it suits the piece and I shall use it again !.!.!.!.because, I CAN!.

I want to know What happens now that the phoenix has left the nest!.!.!.
always wanting answers it seems!.!. with the curiosity of a cat yet lacking the numerous lives!.

Oh!.!. to answer the question!.!.
Yes I have !.!.
Thank- you my friends!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

And in the end, are you happy with the revision!? Is this your style!? If so, then you have learned a lot for going forward!. If not, then you have looked at another possible variation of your words!. Strong ending to the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

oh yes i have got a lot of help form you ,constantly reminding me about my i's and if you notice i have improved drastically when it comes to writing i!.

as far as poem is concerned it is nice write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

of what I have read this morning, this is a nice refreshing breeze into my soul!. Fire brings renewal and so much more!. Love the imagery in this one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I have received help from a few here and I am grateful!.Oddly enough, the most helpful have nearly all been connected in some way with PoetsofMars!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

She's walloped this good with her clever!.!.!.wait!.!.!.I mean cleaver!. It was good raw material!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You My Dear write very well,by Yourself! But this is a great example of team work!! KUDOS to the both of You!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

ego-centered disease!.!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.!.!.!.i think!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.is the most deadly!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com