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Fun enjoyable poem! New! What do you guys think!?
Dancin' on the beach
Party like there is a tomorrow
then we'll party again
dancin' on the beach
Toes makin' love to the sand
Tides washin' away my worries
once beset with gloom
Like a breath of fresh air for the soul
Dancin' the night away under the restless moonWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The use of dialect matches the casual mood quite well!. The sense imagery is vivid and apt!. Consider either punctuating the sentence ends, or removing the capitalization; the current split is a little distracting!. also, right now the imagery is mostly visual (beach, moon) and tactile (dancing, toes in the sand)!. You might add sound (from the waves) or smell (the sea itself, or party smells like barbecue) for greater impact!. Bring the reader right onto that beach with you!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hi, wonderful, great and loved the imagery!. 'Toes makin' love to the sand' what wonderful imagery just in those few words!.
Keep on writing as I really enjoyed this piece and hopefully you will have more to put up to share with the rest of us!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!.
The omission of the 'g' at the end of most words is interesting!.
Ordinarily I would hate it, but it fits with the poem!.
And, like you said, Its a fun, enjoyable poem!. It doesn't really require deep thinking and analyzing!. :)