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Can I do this!? A poem!?
I just wanted to show an example of my more technical writing!. I have to wonder - in the end - if this is even poetry!.
I can't stand by seeing
My father, who used to be
So energetic and mighty,
Lying on a bed in a room
Filled with odors of medicine,
blood and foul food!.
His face looks yellow!.
His stomach is flat
From the draining
of blood and water!.
There are needles in his neck
From the vein graft,
For the output of old toxic blood
And the input of purified blood!.
There are four catheter sites
Closed off now from being overused!.
No matter how much
I know about the procedures
I'll never know what
He's thinking lying there
Looking at the tears
In his only daughter's eyes
Does he think about
What I'll do without him!?
Does he think this is only
A means to an end!?
Does he know there's only one
way this will stop!?
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You did it and you have succeeded!.
An emotional poem that works well!.
It's hard not to capitalize the first word of each line, but it can sometimes interrupt the flow by making us pause for too long!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hi, thanks for writing about something that most of us shy away from and yet like taxes it is something that will happen to us all!.
I hope that this poem wasn't about your Dad, it is so sad!. If it is about your Dad, I hope that his passing comes quickly to ease his suffering which is yours to!.
I loved the poem, for me it was a very personal trip into someone elses life that I to have had to take!. Thank you for sharing such a vivid piece of poetry, God Bless, FionaWww@QuestionHome@Com
me talks of my own point of view!. technically, this is not a poem!.
but guess what !? this time you did not set your emotion aside, your real emotion was talking, and your voice was loud and clear, and not shy at all, and finely tuned for describing this event, capturing the attention of the reader from first to last line!.
Yes I think you can!.
All I need is a simple journey,you have given me that!.
Sure it's not the most pleasent of thoughts,
but to my eye's all the elements of a poem are there,
especially an interesting ending!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yes, you can and you did! I saw it, I felt it, I was there with you and your words lingered with me awhile after I finished reading it!.
Isn't that what poetry is about, after all!?
I am sure he knew!.!.!.
there is only one way!.!.!.
for a soul to rest
at the end of the day!.!.!.
Death is final and we
each deal with it,
in the best way we
Nice, heart rending write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think you did a very good job!. As a former dialysis nurse, your description is very accurate and moved me with memories of this horrendous illness!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is good!. I'm not well versed on the technicalities!. I have an MLA manual around here somewhere!. I may even read it someday!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I actually really like it, even though it makes me sad, it touches me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is great Cilla!. I could feel it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
there is not many guidlines to how a poem may be written!. i like it alot!. i actually write tonz of poetry! mine are deep and darkWww@QuestionHome@Com
I'm glad you wrote this, a thoughtful and touching poem!.!.!.beautifully and honestly expressed!. Thank you!Www@QuestionHome@Com