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My poem!.!.!.13 years old!? Not really a poem, just a piece of writing!?
(about a guy who gets her pregnant at a party, then the girl is left!. She became one of the girls who get dumped by their new baby daddies)
That party that night!.
My future was made!.
The empty room,
Just me and you,
Dark and condensation on the windows!.
I thought you were the one!.
I'm feeling sick,
It couldn't be, right!?
I'm just an average girl!.
The test is on the sink,
while i lean over the toilet
black tears running down my face!.
I called you,
Twice to be exact!.
Why didn't you answer!?
Are you ignoring me!?
I'm not that girl!.
9 months later,
I'm in the hospital,
Feeling lonely and numb!.
The baby in the waiting room,
You would see her,
Recognize her because she looks like you!.
Where are you!?
We need you!.
She had her first step!.
She had her first words,
Which was 'I love you'!.
she could be saying that to you!.
I don't even care anymore!.
I have a new life with my little girl!.
She's taking ballet,
She has new friends,
Wish you were here,
To kiss her goodnight!.
You never came back!.
Wow, I really don't care!.
No surprise there!.
I hope you know,
All because of that night,
I became that girlWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow! Very nicely put, especially how you take the reader from past to future!. Only suggestion would be leave some information out make the reader think!. Example would be (That party that night!. My future was made!.) you could write (That party that night our future was made) Example (I'm feeling sick, It couldn't be, right!?) you could write (feeling sick, it couldn’t be right)
This is a great poem and you should be proud of it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
very much enjoyed this poem :D
no idea what the name of the place where they keep babies is, sorry :S
also one comment on grammer
the part "which was i love you" should be "which were i love you" << a typo!?
thts really it, other than that
a very lovely poem :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
that was amazing!!! where did you het the insparation!? i love it!!!!
please tell me it isnt about you!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
That's a really good poem,
at the end it gave me goose bumps!.
Keep up the good work!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I adore you, you took the words right out of my mouth!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's not bad, just nothing out standing!.
No one is going to remember it in a few hours!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nice Poem, really it's goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, it's really good!.
You get a star!.
It's not a poem, it's just a story, well told, in staccato lines!. If you made more of an effort to find some words or phrases that rhyme, (and they are) it would make all the difference in the world!. Anyone, and I do mean anyone, can write words that convey a message!. People do it all the time, in letters! Your effort is little more than that!. Go on! You can do it!Www@QuestionHome@Com