Position:Home>Poetry> 2 poems (Harvest Whores) and (Learning Disabled, Narcoleptic, Vagina Carrying Fe
2 poems (Harvest Whores) and (Learning Disabled, Narcoleptic, Vagina Carrying Female) any suggestions!?
Cucumbers *** calmly
Apples arrive angrily
Bananas bare no bruises
Fence building, boarder patrolling, people suppressing
egomaniac, who determines eligibility of citizenship
Only enforcing rules and regulations
upon existing illegal non-agriculture workers
Petrified of deportation pennies are paid
Forcing them to sell their manual labor
makes them harvest whores
Picking & plucking
breakfast, lunch, & dinner
keeps my status at
most bountiful place on earth
Learning Disabled, Narcoleptic, Vagina Carrying Female
Dangling in my closet are hangers
passed down from prior generations
Dad’s Dad Dad’s Dad invented things due to
his ability to think differently from the norm
Having that same trait in today’s society
means I’m labeled Learning Disabled
Mom’s silly sleepy sister recollects on her life
giving me a detailed description of my future
Vivid nightmares with a hint of sleep paralysis
combined with uncontrollable muscle function
Vagina Carrying Female hanger hangs compliments
of daily reminders that I’m a female who has one
Such hangers proudly displayed within my closet
allowing me to create sentences such as
Comprehending while Asleep and Bleeding worse than yesterdayWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like both of these poems, but I have to say I get the impression that they are both a tad rough in a first draft sort of way!.
The anger in these poems is very good, but I wonder if the way that the anger is displayed from the first person perspective projecting out is the best choice!. I would try rewriting them from more of a higher perspective then your original voice!. Then put the two versions side by side seeing where you could speak from the first person, and where these poems could be strengthened from a more third person perspective!.
I hope that you understand that I think the ideas and the raw material you are working with is good, and don't take the idea of constructive criticism as an affront to your apparent talent!.
If you do revise these poems, please share!.
And please keep writing!.
Thanks for the questionWww@QuestionHome@Com
These are very strong!. Do you have about 100 more, because you could publish a book of these!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love both!. They're both different from the norm and without cliches!. Keep up the good work :)Www@QuestionHome@Com