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What would you rate this on scale 1-10!?
I am 16, Please comment!.
As soft breezes flow through the trees
I know that the world is at peace
But as the guns and bombs go off on me
The devil has anger to release
As time passes by
Destruction is common all around
Where beautiful plants used to lie
Are now just wholes in the ground
Instead of giving a hand to lend
We choose to blame and shake
When will this world come to an end!?
That might be our choice to make!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I refuse to rate this on a scale of 1 to 10, but I'll tell you what I think!.
I like that your poem is about something other than love!. Some of the imagery is cliche (like the first two lines) and some of the lines are obvious and don't make me think!. I think you could find a better way to paint the picture of destruction than talking about holes in the ground where plants used to be!.
I like the idea of the devil having anger to release!. For some reason, that line really speaks to me!. I think the rhyming is all a little too cutesy-wootsy but I like the concepts you've got going in the 3rd stanza!. Good luck with your writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
OH MY GOD! I'M 16 TOO!
I mean I will be 16 this year!. Mind if I add you!?
I wrote a poem on nature too but it is longer than this, 8 paragraphs!.
I'll post that poem after I comment on this!.
The story is about you with nature and suddenly destruction falls down and destroys everything!. All people do is blaming others instead of fixing things!.
Comments and Rating:
I think I'll give it a 3 out of 10!. Please, no offense!. I'm just being honest!.
The rhymic stuff is fine!.
What makes me feel like giving you 3 out of 10 is because:
1!. You only have 3 paragraphs!.
2!. Your story is short and there is not much in it!.
3!. You could fix the language more and that will enhance the whole poem even if it is only three paragraphs!.
4!. Some lines are good, I mean just right but others need to be fixed so that they would look compatible with each other!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
just make it guns & bombs around me & it's holes 8Www@QuestionHome@Com
I give it a 6Www@QuestionHome@Com