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Question: Read My Poem!? I'm 14!?
I have a poem I have to write for school and it must be about nature!.
I am 14!.
Please be BRUTAL with me and give me any suggestions you may have!. I know I am horrid at poetry, but like I said, its a mandatory thing!. :/
Here it is:
Oh how the peaceful forest rests,
Under a spell, an enchantment of tunes,
As the trees creek softly back and forth,
and the mocking bird sings it sweet song,
As the pure blanket of snow covers the forest whole,
With a windy chill and gentle flow,
The cotton snow continues to peacefully blow,
Gently tucking in upon the earth,
Falling as if Angel’s feathers from heaven above,
Virgin territory, Fresh and pure, untouched and beautiful,
No human may touch,
Delicate and fresh,
Light streams round about,
Bursting through the sleepy tree branches,
Sparkling like the far stretched seas,
Glistening like a little one’s deep blue eyes,
Yet gentle and rich, like a brown eyed dream,
For as early as the hunter may rise,
Guilt is sure to be on his mind,
For that first step he takes upon sacred ground,
Is breaking all pureness,
With every move he makes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'm sure that's good enough for school!.!.!. First two stanzas are good, but in the last three there are a few lines that sound kind of awkward that I don't really like, but I'm not too good on this stuff either!.
Oh and change Angel's to angels'/Angels' to indicate plural!. And perhaps change "human" to "soul" cause that word just sounds better!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
and I must say HOLY COW! why do you think that you are not good at poetry!? that was amazing!. I think, though, that when you say "virgin territory, fresh and pure, untouched and beautiful" you could start a new line at the end of the punctuation, if you know what I mean!.
and I like the second suggestion for the last stanza better then the first!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I loved it, which is saying something!. It had great imagery and felt peaceful I like the second last stanza in stead of the first!. You're actually a great poet, most on Yahoo answers aren't that good :/
also, I usually don't like non rhyming poems, but yours worked!. Great job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's good for an adult let alone a 14 year old!
Well done!
Answer mine!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think your poem is beautiful!. life is beautiful, your fears are unfoundedWww@QuestionHome@Com
i liked it! both 1 and 2 are good but i say the 1st!. it was very good!. but i do think u should make something more of what u feel!. poems that come from the heart come out better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
thats beautiful!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
If I was your teacher, I would do more than say "Good work!."
What does Brutal mean!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
really really good!. i don't like the last line though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nice!.
nfd?Www@QuestionHome@Com
you me dear sir ARE A BIG 14 YEAR OLD FAG get some mates yerWww@QuestionHome@Com
its good but try to make words rhymeWww@QuestionHome@Com
I am, by no means, an expert on poems, but I think that, if what you wrote you really felt, then you can't make it better!. The best poems comes from the heart!.
I also think you are on the right track regarding criticism - one of the greatest qualities a human can possess, is the ability to want critique (because you know it's very important) and to handle it well!. I worked professionally as an artist for a couple of years, and I found that the best way to become better at what you do, is to acknowledge your weaker sides, and work on making them strengths!.
Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com