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Question: Please critique my poem!? i'm 13!.!.!.!?
sorry i know it is the second time i have asked for opinions on this!


The confession of a dead dancer

Your fingers tremble within my palm,
As my sightless eyes grow pale!.
To my blood soaked lips, you are the balm,
That leaves my voice so stale!.

As swiftly as your breath slows,
I dare not pull away!.
Your legs, they force a nimble pose,
As you arch your neck and pray!.

You can feel the breathless eyes,
That watch your body shrink!.
The sudden warmth of countless sighs,
To pause your final blink!.

They asked for you to burn the soul,
That shut our visions rest!.
They considered your heart of dusty coal,
Of which your mind does nest!.

The suddenness of falling limbs,
That framed your beaten face!.
Your silent pulse, through blood it swims,
And stifled the forceful grace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's perfect :) You're just like me, when I was 13 I wrote loads of poems!. Keep writing! If you're this good now, think of how good you'll be in 10 years!. You could publish a little book of poems you wrote throughout your life! That would be freakin' sweet!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

The rhythm works well, only thing is I think it's a little wordy!. Maybe you could make it one less stanza; I think it would sound more coherent!. also, in the third stanza, second line, "that" sounds a little!.!.!.too casual!? I'm looking for a better word for it, but maybe you could change it to reflect the mood of your poem!. overall, I really like it, because I'm a dancer, but I think its a bit dramatic, though that may be what you were going for!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm very impressed knowing you're only 13!. You have an amazing way of voicing emotions, which is what poetry is about!. Your poem conjures up so many emotions, so many images which become very real through your words!. Well done! Keep at it, and keep all your poems for later, when you get the chance to be published!.
I loved it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love it, you're very talented!
I especially like "the sudden warmth of countless sighs, to pause your final blink"
That's so good!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!.!.
!.!.
Great power to this poem!.
I love it!.!.

Any help with mine!?
http://uk!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

3 words,

Hire a publisher!.

Keep up the good writing :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com

whats its theme!?

you gotta tell us this stuff!. us internet people dont have the time to read this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com