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Question: Does this poem work better in third person!?
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He gently caressed her that night!.
She turned, and looked, and held him tight,
Seemingly, love once again true,
As they had grown accustomed to!.
…!.That evening, they didn’t fight!.
Affection merely bound daylight!.
Nightfall carried feigned dreams from sight!.
Away his thoughts and feelings flew!.
…!.!.He gently caressed her!.
She understood a fresh delight!.
She sympathized his feverish plight!.
New women making their debut,
She was not ready for: we’re through!.
Old flames can once again ignite,
…!.!.He gently caressed her!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Dah, This one came out brilliant !
You are growing into the words and using them profitably!.
I Really really like it this way!.
Save it!.
Mark it
Finished!.
Great Read!.!.!.
Great Right !Www@QuestionHome@Com
me thinks this works better!. this way you helped me [as a reader] concentrate on poem [the theme,, the characters,, and the event] rather than the poet!. your presence was as a [passive] narrator,, not as an actual doer!. moreover,, it seems more realistic,, but that is only my opinion!., you are the poet,, you know better!.
good write ms!. dahha!. ty!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It works well in the third person, and good word play and rhyming!.
and uncomfortably speaks truth!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
this touches me deep down ,full of sensuous lines!.describes exactly the way women would want her man to handle her!.
this will work any way you writeWww@QuestionHome@Com
this makes me wet!.on that night i did lot more than what you have mentioned here!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It speaks well!. When the music is over, she will turn out the lights!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It works very well! Super nice write!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I didn't see the other version, but this is a keeper!Www@QuestionHome@Com
looks like!.!.!.!.!.
!.!.!.!.they need firewood too!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com