Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> It needs work...any advice for my poem?


Question: It needs work!.!.!.any advice for my poem!?
Settling the Score


This broken heart
This empty set
This losing game
This stupid mess
That YOU, yes you, left for me
And all you can say is let it be!?

Well John Lennon, shut up for about ten minutes
And for once, let my words in to your heart,
Well it’s a start!.

All you could do was dwell on one thing
I was crazy for you, you made my heart sing
You freed the caged songbird that was stuck inside
I woke up and I realized that maybe

Just maybe this could be true
But baby, I was a fool!.
Well, a fool for you at least
Until you decided that our love would cease—

Hey you! I’m not done!
You think that you’re someone
So special and oh so true
Well then baby, why’d you go and leave me blue!?

Don’t you get it!?
Can’t you see!?
You don’t understand what this is like for me!.

So don’t give me that look,
That puppy dog face
Just walk away,
GET OUT OF MY FACE!

I’m sorry to say but I’m done
I was stupid for thinking you were the one—
Who would pick me up instead of tearing me down
But who was I kidding, this time I’m the clown

So when you decide
To change what’s inside
Maybe you’ll realize you don’t have to hide

Did you really think I’d stick around
After all of this, you’re lost in the crowd
I can’t play games, I’m over the war
I only came back to settle this score

But before I go, here’s some advice
Before you talk, you should probably think twice
Because the next girl won’t be this stupid
So pick up your phone and call your best buddy Cupid

So now I’ve said all I have to say
So do me a favor John, just fade awayWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
over all i think it was a pretty good poem!. i would suggest you dig deeper into yourself!. try and use more metaphors so when someone reads your poem it will give them more interest and something to figure out!. you really express your feelings in the poem, so i would suggest you may want to!.!.!.!.take a few parts and make them less expressive and turn them into a metaphor or simile!. Together the poem was wonderful! hope i helped!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow it sounds great but you need to express your feeling it no the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You did an AWESOME job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

heya, i don't quite no what it is about, i'm sure it expresses your emotion very well!. but its the sort of poem that only the poet can understand!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You did a wonderful job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's overall really good except you can work on this line some!.
Hey you! I’m not done!Www@QuestionHome@Com

hey i like it!.!Www@QuestionHome@Com

its confusing!.
like you're talking about two different things!.
john lennon & a guy breaking your heart!.
:/
unless thats the dudes name!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

ahmazing! i love it!.!.
there's some areas where the syllables aren't quite right!. but other than that, it's way good!
"So when you decide
To change what’s inside
Maybe you’ll realize you don’t have to hide"
my favorite part[[:Www@QuestionHome@Com

hahahah aww that was so funny!.!.!. i mean its good for what it is!.!.!. not exactly a scholarly piece of work!.!.!.!. add some more nuance to it cause to me it sounds like a middle schooler's diary entry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's really Nice,I cryed,i swear,it was soo meangingfull,and real!.Most poems sound so fake,no love,nothing behind them!.Trully a work of art!.Just remember not to sound so angry,In your poem!.
Good luck,i loved it!.Id buy your book of poems i trully would!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its way too long and I think you should leave John Lennon out of it!.!. it kinda kills the poem!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

is this a poem or a rap!? i think its better as a rap!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's a very strong poem -- well done!

My suggestions would be to take off the caps on "you" and "Get out of my face", and also creating a more consistent rhythm throughout!. However, this is your poem, so you don't have to use my suggestions as long as it speaks from your heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's pretty good, but I think it sounds more like a song than a poem!. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, but I like it a lot!!! I can't see anything you need to change!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

im a poet too, and i know different poets have different styles!. but in my opinion, its a little too corny!. i am more into deep meaningful words that touch the soul!. yours is just a little cheesyWww@QuestionHome@Com