This feels unfinished but I'm stuck. Opinions?

Question: This feels unfinished but I'm stuck!. Opinions!?

where does love go
when you call it a day
does it simply die
do you stow it away
in a safer place
where you don't have to feel
or accept that it's over
admit that it's real
days blend together
so heavy the time
moving without motion
no rhythm no rhyme

Suggested Category: Remodeling and Do-It_Yourself!. Hmmmm!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Blue !.!.!. I don't know if it is unfinished, but I think you know that one "spoke to me!."
Nothing disappears, so really, where does it go!?

As for the category - it's actually quite fitting ;-)

Who is the thumbs downer troll!?!?!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

where does love go,
when you call it a day!?
does it die simply,
do you stow it away!?
in a place where,
you don't have to feel,
accept that it's over,
admit that it's real!.
days blend together,
so heavy the time;
moving, no motion,
no rhythm, no rhyme!.

I would just make the changes above, to keep the rhythm moving, and so that the amount of syllables in each line is closer!. Remember that in a poem each word has to be important, so you have to throw away any words that you don't need!. I would add more punctuation, to make the way you pronounce it more clear, but that's up to you (don't add capital letters tho)!. Don't add any verses, because then you'll be writing stuff just to make it longer!. The meaning and symbolism is already perfect!. And I'm not even trying to suck up to you, or anything, but when I read this poem I was like- "Whoa, this girl can write!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it does need one more verse!. Maybe throw in what you think happens to love at the end of the day!. Or what you do with it yourself at the end of the day!. Tie it all together!.

Best of luck!
It sounds great =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is very good the way it is, but if you added a verse, that would probably be ok too!. I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think your ending is good!. This flows nicely and I dare say is very 'real'!. I rather like the 'no rhythm no rhyme' ending!

Nice write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It does end abruptly!. Where does love go!? When does it come back!? Does it always come back!? You can take this piece places!.!.!.I know that you can!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Some of the best works are left unfinished!.Ever hear of Beethoven!?My point exactly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I guess when a person gets in this predicament, they begin remodeling!. I like it as is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

good lyric by myself i dont think so!.!.but u can try p!.diddy-he dont understand u like i do and catch new idea wait 2 here the songWww@QuestionHome@Com

amazing im suprised that ur asking for opinionsWww@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's great!.!. I'm not sure how you would want to end it!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I agree it's perfect as wellWww@QuestionHome@Com

i think it perfect and keep it like the way it isWww@QuestionHome@Com

Excellent poem as it stands!.

I would humbly add to your third line:

"does it simply die or"

and change your seventh line to:

"and accept that it's over;"

and change eighth line to:

"admit that it's real--" or "admit that it's real!.!.!."

In this version the dual feeling of love dying/love being saved as memorable "treasure in heaven" continues, with "it's real" being either love stowed in heaven is real memory or it's no more on earth as fulcrum, with your concluding four lines taking up the earthly lament!.

The conclusion then blends nicely with your beginning question, "where does love go," in a kind of poetic round!.

"Creation: Artistic and Spiritual," O!. M!. Aivanhov, is easy-reading collection of talks!.

"Nineteen Ways of Looking at Wang Wei," Weinberger and Paz, easily shows how you might write your version of the classic poem!.

"Soul Mates and Twin Flames," Elizabeth Clare Prophet, for love, and
"The Great Divorce," C!. S!. Lewis, for heaven!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's perfect!. It does sound slightly unfinished!. However, that's what adds to the perfection!. It sounds as if the love you were writing about was also unfinished!. So you can't really add an ending that was never there in the first place!. It's great!. Don't change a thing!. Good luck with your writing and with your heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com