Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Critique my poem please (re-re-repost)?


Question: Critique my poem please (re-re-repost)!?
This makes perfect sense to me!.
But I have a tendency to be a little too vague (and not artistically so) when I write!. Any ideas!?
I'd like critiques, but also suppositions as to what I'm talking about Dah you can't answer since I already told you!. :-)

It's safe outside they say
For those of you who don't know
It's been all over the television!.

A crack in the glass of my optimism
Keeps it forever half !.!.!. not full
To avoid a cliche!.

The monkeys are still arguing
Over the bananas and I can't
Seem to get a slice in the meantime!.

Racing cars with windows open
Scream at me to slow down
But when I stop - it's for too long!.

I go outside because they say
but realize they lied and i forgot
my boots don't protect me from bullshit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The third stanza speaks money or spoils and 'experts' arguing while the commoners get nothing!.!.!.bailout of Wall Street!? Stanza 4 seens to be everybody in a hurry to get somewhere which turns you off and makes you stop to take pause yet guilt says you should not!. Stanza 5 is the realization that 'B!.S!.' abounds!. The start I would interpret as the Government saying everything is alright, when in fact problems persist!.

As to critiquing: even the line lengths more for flow, e!.g!. T!.V!. instead of television!? Stanza 2 could be better stated!. By making fun of cliche you are indeed reinforcing that this is cliched!. S3L3 try this: 'seem to get a slice, meanwhile!.'

Your are obtuse, which if that is your style, stay with, but know that most people will not take the time to read and reread to try to understand your words!. Your words do have merit though, keep posting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Does this have something to do with war!?IDK, the references are confusing and do not lead the listener to draw a conclusion!. or feel intrigued or inspired by your message because it it too vague and hard to understand what you are talking about! However, a lot of the language is interesting and if I read each paragraph as an individual and not part of the whole , I find them much more intriguing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'm not a critic so this will obviously be wrong!. What I seem to get from this piece is a very publicized family squabble over money!. I know I'm off by miles!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

To me it says!.!.
How did they convince me things were any different, it's still a dog eat dog rat race out there, take me home!.Www@QuestionHome@Com