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Question: Please Read the Following Poem, Constructive Critism Required!.!?
My Happy Place

Across the river, beyond bare land!.
I see a mountain, so grand!.

I watch it stir along the currents of air!.
A song sang by mocking birds from here and there!.

The skylight is lively, like feathers and leaves!.
Assorted colors of kinds, fluffy pillows, during eve!.

The weather is so pure, and serene,
I’m snuggled tight with the blades of green!.

I watch the stream flow, it’s being, so free
Just like a never-ending, falling ribbon, it seems to be!.

I see the cotton buds, dance with the sky,
Complimenting the flowers that standby!.

The giant star, hiding beyond the horizon,
Miraculous colors, tis’ brought by my sun!.

The moon pops out and shines in the night,
The stars close behind, their sparkle is slight!.

The sweet breeze carries a scent,
A fragrance of sycamore tree’s, makes me content!.


~Lou Belle~
____________________
This Poem is incomplete but i need to know if what i have so far is good, makes sense, and if it has any mistakes!. I'm wanting to enter it into a school Contest, But it has to be good because im in middle school and im entering it into my bro's high school contest!. So please help!!


Please Help Look for the Following:

-Punctuation
-Spelling
-Rhyming
-Wording/Grammar

and Whatever the hell else!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your message is great and your imagery is excellent:) It's also better arranged into couplets, as you have it!. The only thing is mechanics:
- Replace the period in the first line with a comma!.
- Replace the period in the third line with a hyphen!.
- In the 12th line, separate "standby" to "stand by!."
- In the 16th line, change "sparkle is" to "sparkles are!."

I'm not forcing anything!.!.!.these are just suggestions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com