Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poem? Any good title suggestions?
Question: What do you think of my poem!? Any good title suggestions!?
the demons live under her skin
but she sees them everywhere
they reward her for every sin
she is always in despair
she needs a way to get them out
they hide deep within her soul
they whisper to her, with no doubt
that she'll do what she is told
she reaches for the razor blade
determined to set them free
she was anxious and afraid
that the demons wouldn't be pleased
the cold metal caressed her vein
with every sharp, aching slice
she loved the feeling of the pain
but it didn't yet suffice
then, one day, he came and showed her
all the medicines of fun
he became her entrepreneur
made her see the midnight sun
the small, kaleidoscopic pills
made her feel like she could fly
they gave her cheerful, pleasant chills
didn't care if she would die
the demons didn't leave for long
they weren't happy with her ways
they tortured her, they're too strong
she decided to end her days
the rope hung around her cold neck
as the demons slipped away
they're off to find another wreck
she took her last breath that dayWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's a great exploration, with a captivating flow, though not very smooth at times!. But then this ain't a smoothie reality we're talking about!.
For title I'm feeling "Demons Demand Dead Ends"Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really liked the whole style and it was sounding pretty good-but then it ended!. There's something about demons winning that I don't like!. When I read something (be it a story a poem or whatever) I like a moral ending!. It lacked (at least for me) a moral ending!.
But that all said, I think your talented (but who am I to judge) and think you should keep writing!. : )Www@QuestionHome@Com
"in extremis" would be my title, just as it literally translates to: at the point of death!.
By the way, very talented piece of work right there!. I really enjoyed the word choices and the rhymes, how they add to this very dark subject matter!. It sent chills up my spine!.!.!.you can picture it so clearly in your head now!. 9!.5/10!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it - there are a few structure and rhyme problems, but other than that - great stuff!. I just think there are a lot of times when you force a rhyme, but if you can find the right words and clean it up just a little - it's great!.
As for a title - I'm HORRIBLE at making up titles!. Most of my work is "untitled!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
The Desperate QuestWww@QuestionHome@Com
good construction,a bit scary :sWww@QuestionHome@Com
Ending LifeWww@QuestionHome@Com
very cold feeling, were you pissed off when you wrote this!?
its very good wording and emotionWww@QuestionHome@Com
way creepy
CHANGE ITWww@QuestionHome@Com