Is this justice for a sinful existance...please critique?

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Question:

That guilt ridden pleasure
Has taken my pride!.
Taken with it the treasure
That was to be my bride!.
In my darkness of day
In my blackness of night,
Has not there been some light
To ever light my way!?
Suffer me not I dare say!.
Time continuem brings my day!.
Suffer me not unless you weep
For I shall soon sleep the
Beautiful sleep!.
I was falling off the earth
Pulled towards a light!.
I turned not left nor right
And comfort floating as before birth!.
I felt the warmth and did not discern
The light was evil and I began to burn!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Hi, Overall this is a good piece of work, with a compelling theme, you have talent, remember you want your poem to flow well, so read it out loud to yourself, and you want to chose one language theme, ie!. Elizabethan, Old English, ETC!. it doesn't work well to mix them, keep up the good work !!! Mercee!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Unexpected ending; nice twist!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i know it says crtique but it's late that was awesome maaaan very well written i can tell ur a pro nice penning!Www@QuestionHome@Com